My Name is Woe

Hi, my name is Joanna Close and I might be barren.

This is the third month we have been "not trying." In other words, this is the third month I have been off birth control and we've been humping like rabbits. Seriously, just like my childhood rabbit, Blazer. I'm pretty sure we only bought one rabbit to start with, and somehow they multiplied by the dozens. In the end, I ate my own pet rabbit. Not to my knowledge, of course. It went a little something like this:

Me: "Daddy, why does this chicken have four drumsticks?"
Al: "It's a special chicken, honey. Just eat up."

Anyway, back to to the humping like and not the eating of rabbits. How is it that I spent my early 20s trying SO hard to not get pregnant, and now here I am doing my darndest to plant that damn seed and have a baby grow in my belly, and I'm failing miserably?

I know, I know, it's only been three months. But the heart wants what it wants. And it wants it now!

Even though I'm pretty sure I'm PMSing (I am aware that my ovaries exist, I'm craving sugar, and I feel like a blob), my compulsion to go to Rite Aid and purchase myself a 3-pack of the house brand pregnancy tests won the tug-of-war. There is something so disappointing about seeing a "-" instead of a "+" when you want it. On another note, I never realized I peed so hard and fast. Splatter, everywhere.

Plus, I told myself that if I'm not pregnant this month, I need to focus on dropping some lbs. Seriously. I guess either way I'll be praying to the porcelain gods. Kidding, kidding. Just wanted to make a tasteless "mia" joke that only I will think is funny. Sorry, babe, I know you're the only one who would ever read this, and you are wearing your disappointed face right now. But if I can't makes un-PC jokes about eating disorders to you, I have to have some outlet, right?

xoxo and cheers to all the other barren 20-somethings. I'm thinking it was something in the WL water ...