A Decade's Past

July 8, 2001. One decade. Ten years ago today.

In 2001 Wikipedia launched its website on the Internet. Beijing won the bid to host the 2008 Olympics. American Airlines and United Airlines planes crashed into the Twin Towers. George Harrison died. Bush signed the US Patriot Act. The US invaded Afghanistan. U2 won a Grammy for "Beautiful Day." "A Beautiful Mind" won Best Picture at the Academy Awards.

Ten years ago today my mother passed away. She died during the night, after my father, brother and I said our collective and individual goodbyes. She was 57 years old. I was 19.

In the years since she died, I have graduated from college. I have traveled to more than a dozen countries. I learned to knit. I fell in love and got married. I was published in a regional magazine. I visited the Lair. I volunteered at a center for grieving families. I hosted a Serbian exchange student. I moved back in with my dad. Twice. I lived with my brother in Colorado. I baked lace cookies. I studied abroad. I decided I want children of my own. I rekindled friendships from my youth. I walked 60 miles to raise money for breast cancer. I got together yearly with my best college girlfriends. I sent regular family Christmas cards. I rode on a ferry even though I was terrified. I hosted my best friend's baby shower. I got glasses. Then contacts. I got sick in Italy. And again in Argentina. I overcame my fear of flying. I went back to the house we lived in when I was little. I visited her college best friend. I graduated with my Master's in Communication Disorders and Sciences, and got the job of my dreams.

If my mother were alive today I'd like to believe she would be very proud of me. I'd like to believe she and I would be very close, friends even. We would talk, email, or text daily. I think she would love Alex the way the rest of my family does. She would have welcomed the Close Family with open arms and heart. I think she would be proud of my recent accomplishment of finishing graduate school. I think she would tell me to do a better job of brushing and flossing twice daily, and to not eat candy so I wouldn't get so many cavities. I think she would take me shopping, especially for housewares and home decor. I do not think she would approve of my recent tattoo. I think she would be really proud of my brother, Brian's, culinary talent, and his leadership in the kitchen. I do not think she would be surprised that everyone both respects and adores him. Or by his nickname, "B Love." I think she would like that my dad is still in the Grove Street house and that he cares for his yard. I think she would be proud that he stepped up to the plate and continued to be a fabulous father AND fill-in mother. I think she would wish that Brian lived closer to the West Coast, and that we visited with or spoke to our cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandmother more frequently. I think she would love my new downtown apartment, and would gladly join in our once weekly dining outings. I think she would be delighted to know that I have followed in her footsteps and nurtured close bonds with my girlfriends. I think she would particularly love Stacy, and would be thrilled that Katie, Rachel, Erika and I are still best friends. I think she would be impressed with Bri's travels and my dad's walks. She would have looked forward to their postcards from all across the world. She would think my brother's standup paddle board was cool, and she would like watching him paddle around the ocean. I think she would laugh and roll her eyes to learn the motorcycle is still parked in my dad's living room. I think she would be proud of each of us for carrying on with our lives, being true to ourselves, and following our dreams. I think she'd want us all to eat healthier and go to the doctor more regularly. I think she would be sad to know we are still so sad and miss her, but she would be grateful to know that is just how much we love her. I think, more than anything else in this world, she would want her husband and ducklings to be healthy and happy. And we are.

Dear Mom,

I can't believe it's been 10 years. I love and miss you and wish you were here to offer me maternal wisdom, friendship, and wake me up from my naps.

xoxo always, J