To be honest, the last week has been a bit difficult. Mostly work related stresses, can't help but have that spill over into home life. It's hard to leave workplace insecurity at work.
It all started when I pulled into the patient and visitor parking lot at work, like I'd been doing inconsistently since beginning at the Portland campus. I knew I was breaking the "rules," but I wasn't totally abusing the system, only taking advantage of a single, far away parking space the occasional times I missed the bus, had an afternoon appointment, or was simply feeling too fatigued to get my pregnant self to work via two different bus rides. There was a stern looking man blocking the entry to the garage who approached me and asked, "What brings you to the VA?" I could have lied, maybe should have lied, and said I was visiting someone in the ICU. At least I could pull a patient name out should I have been asked to specify. But I'm not so good at the whole dishonesty thing. "I'm a fellow here," I responded instead. "This is patient and visitor parking only," he said meanly, or at leas,t it felt like he was being mean in my shamed, hormonal brain. "You can't park here," he reiterated. "I'm 8 months pregnant," I retorted, on the verge of tears. He did. not. care. "And I'm not technically a VA employee, anyway," I defended. "Do you get paid to be here? Then you can't park here," he said. In the end, he scolded me in a few different ways, but let me park temporarily in order to go and speak with the parking office at HR.
The lady in the parking office then told me, in no uncertain terms, that in order to qualify for a disability at the VA and be awarded a temporary parking permit, the "condition" has to last longer than 9 months. Well, lady, pregnancy happens to be TEN months, not nine, as most of the child-less world falsely believes (myself, included, until last summer). But to no avail. I'm a lowly speech path fellow, and I MUST ride the bus or figure out a car-pool like the rest of the bottom of the totem pole at the institution. I left HR feeling dejected.
So I know none of this is the biggest deal in the world. But for some reason it just reminded me how unsupported I am as a pregnant fellow at the VA. I qualify for no VA-based leave, am actually lucky if my department "lets" me come back to work after an unpaid 3 months. There is not one fulltime SLP who has any children of her own. They marvel at my changing body, are considerate in asking if I feel okay, but ultimately don't get it. I remember when I was a student intern and one of the part-time SLPs was placed on bed rest and subsequently was absent from work for 3 months in addition to her 4 month maternity leave. Her colleagues were complaining about how much free time she was getting. Hah. Free time. I don't even qualify for FMLA, because I haven't been with my employer long enough. So in other words, I fall somewhere in this grey zone, where people acknowledge that I am indeed pregnant, but am not privy to any of the accommodations some women are afforded.
Pregnancy is considered a disability in some other countries. Our childbirth educator says "pregnancy is not a disease in which birth is the cure." And I agree, however, I don't think that means it is not a disability. I mean, someone who is post-surgery might be considered to have a temporary disability while they recover, simply because their physical body is differently abled, at least for a bit. I'd like to see some of the same accommodations offered to pregnant women. Like being included in the "disability and senior" seating section of the bus. That's not so much to ask, is it? Or how about a few close parking spaces at the grocery store. Or maybe simply letting pregnant women on the job sit down as they are waiting to check out their next customer. We're not talking about being paid to get knocked up and stay home for no reason. We're just talking about simple, compassionate accommodations that might make a woman who has gained 20 to 70 pounds in order to keep the world populated a bit more comfortable while she's carrying on with her daily life.
Okay, I'll step down from my soapbox now.
As far as the actual pregnancy goes, things are progressing nicely. Baby Girl Close is still as active as can be. While I love feeling her kick inside my belly, I am more amused when I can actually see her moving about from the outside. It's like little earthquakes rumbling around. She has taken to kicking me pretty regularly in what feels like my right kidney, or thereabouts. I've also been increasingly discomforted by muscle or ligament pain in my groin area. According to me Dr., Web MD that is, this is a normal symptom of pregnancy. But if I do "too much" bending, lifting or moving about on my feet, the discomfort in my pelvis radiates into pain in my lower back. I now pee a little when I sneeze, which is a bummer when you get a cold. Every time it happens, I say "dammit," and am surprised. Alex just giggles.
We went on our hospital tour at Kaiser Sunnyside. I left with mixed emotions - half excited at the prospect of taking a "vacation" with a bed, flat-screen TV, a soaking tub, room service, and people waiting on me. But then I remembered that the only reason I get this so-called "vacation" is because I will have spent hours, days even, pushing out a baby. Which is downright terrifying. But overall, seems like a good facility. They are touting the fact that they have the lowest rates of C-sections in the metro area, or maybe even state. But they failed to mention that one of the reasons for this statistic is because anyone with a high risk pregnancy usually delivers at St. Vincent's or OHSU. Anyhow, the staff seemed friendly and the labor tubs are likely to be available. I didn't get a chance to ask if the walls are sound-proof, since that is one of my anxieties - others overhearing me scream in agony, like I see in the movies. It's no Hilton, but will do as our next vacation destination.
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