Another fact? I'm jealous. Like a child. Like a teen with borderline personality disorder, or so Alex says.
On one hand, I melt when I see them together, my two favorite people, summertime homies. They read together, they swim together, they shop at Home Depot together, they giggle together, they cuddle together, they eat all their meals together, they swim togethet, they bike together, they play at the park together. The Bean's face lights up when she's with her daddy. And he can make her smile in a way that I cannot. But on the other hand - what about meeeee? (enter whiny tween voice here).
I carried her in my belly for 37.5 weeks. I got fat thighs. I grew her and nurtured her until she was ready for the outside world. Then I nursed her. All.The.Time. I lost sleep, hours of accumulated lost sleep. I held her, I rocked her, I stayed with her. I still nurse her. I bathe her. I put her down at night. I think about her during my work day. I wake up too early in the morning with her. Sure, Alex does a lot, too. Well, okay, he does A LOT, too. A co-parent in the truest sense of the word.
But it's not a competition. Or so says Alex. I tell him, "I'm not competing, I'm evaluating."
Still, she owes me.
Ha! Talk about giving your kid mommy issues. Sure, she has a long, hard path ahead of her with an overbearing, smothering mother whose very self-esteem and self-worth relies on the presence of enough (are there ever enough?!?) hugs and open-mouthed kisses. But that's why I blog. So I don't fuck her up (too badly). I get all the crazy out here instead.
So for now, I’m just the milk lady.
As long as when Alex asks her, “who’s your best friend?”, she still says “mama.”
But actions speak louder than words, little lady. You gots to recognize.
I think the grass really is always greener, because I am desperately hoping that whenever we get around to having a second kid, s/he is a daddy's child. Having a mama's girl is SO EXHAUSTING for me!! : )
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