When the Bean was about one year old (although it felt like she was still just a month or two), people started inquiring about our plans for making a baby brother or sister. If Alex had it his way, we'd have been working to get me knocked up in the early summer. (Aside from not being ready, who.has.the.time? to even consider that kind of productive hanky panky).
Reasons to wait. (Ironically, I'm tabulating this list in my head while having (protected) sex with my husband.)
1. Two is more than one. More work. More time. More money. More.
2. I only recently started getting regular, full, uninterrupted nights sleep.
3. I just love the baby (toddler, I know) that we already do have. I feel like we lucked out. I don't want to push my luck. Or seem ungrateful.
4. How on earth would we afford for either me to stay home full-time, or pay for childcare for two?!?
5. The prospect kind of feels like cheating on the Bean.
6. 40 weeks is a long time to be pregnant - morning sickness, weight gain, infinite fatigue.
7. I just barely started getting my period again.
8. We don't own enough cloth diapers for two people who still poop their pants.
9. I don't want to have a double wide (stroller).
10. We would for sure need to get a bigger car.
11. Have I mentioned the financial aspect? And the subsequent stress about making ends meet?
12. Having that much sex sounds a bit like a chore. Plus, Alex and I are really liking that Burn Notice show right now.
13. There are ecological factors to consider, too. Like, over-population is actually a big deal. Seriously. And then there are the environmental factors, like, the world is a corrupt, fucked up place - am I really ready to sacrifice another offspring for the sake of my own desires?
14. There's a chance the Bean and I will go on an adventure of a lifetime with "Beebee" (aka BDA, aka Dad, aka Al) in the spring/summer of 2014, and I sure as hell don't want to be preggo then. Walking across Spain or France with a toddler sounds like enough work on its own, carrying extra weight wouldn't be any help.
15. I just barely started my new job, which I happen to really like. And Rachel and I are in the works for developing our own private SLP practice.
Reasons I know we'll talk about bringing up another baby. Some day.
1. Alex and I both loved having siblings. They were fun to grow up with, and make for some great BFFs as adults.
2. The Bean is so sweet and caring and nurturing that I think she would make a great big sister (endentured nanny, anyone?).
3. I've always envisioned having two children.
4. Alex is such a great daddy, and he wants two kids. He's half of this equation after all.
5. If we have two kids, we will replace ourselves in the Circle of Life.
6. I love to daydream about baby names. Alex has always liked the name Oliver for a boy. And I want to honor the uncles with some offshoot of "Brian." Maybe if we have a boy we'll call him Oliver Brian, and if we have a girl we'll call her Olive Brianna. Or something like that.
7. I love being a mama. Seriously, it just completes me.
8. I miss foot rubs. Alex has massaged my back or shoulders for greater than 2 minutes approximately three times since I was pregnant. It might just be worth it.
9. I should make use of all those maternity clothes that I wore for only a few months. Elastic waist bands are soooo comfortable, and apparently I'm not supposed to wear sweatpants to my real job.
The point is, I'm just not there yet. I'm so loving where I am right now, that I imagine my desire for that second child will just sneak up and surprise me one day. I'll consider legitimately talking about plans for #2 come next year. In the meantime, I'm just gonna to love on that Man and the Bean that make my world go 'round.
18 years of Henry
2 weeks ago
Oh friend we've been tossing around the idea of #3... hormones are unfair. In my head I know it's nuts. We can't fit another human person in our house. So many cons... but what if it would be a widdle girl? Gah.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this so much! We have always planned to have two kids, and we thought we'd like them to be like 2-3 years apart, but it's starting to look more and more like they will be farther apart than that predominantly because my schoolwork and our finances will not yet accommodate #2. And I know so much more now about just how much WORK it will be to go through all that again, so I'm in no hurry. While I'd like my kids to be close enough in age to be friends, I'm starting to discover previously unrecognized incentives for spacing them out. I love being able to direct my full attention to Nora at this age because it is SO AMAZING to watch her learn how to speak and really engage with people. If I was pregnant already I'd be nervous, tired, and distracted, so I wouldn't be giving her my best version of myself or be able to take in all of the things she does and says. And if they're far enough apart, she'd be in (free public) school before we had to start footing a day care bill for the younger one. And then we'd only have one in college at a time down the road. So I am learning that although there may be some things Nora misses out on by not having a sibling as close to her in age, there are positives to whatever arrangement works best for each individual family.
ReplyDeleteI say leave it up to the two of you. Last time I checked you are the parents of Francie and any other child that may or may not come along. There is 4 years between Tom and me and 6 years between Al and me. Although we are not super super super close, I feel that our relationship has not been harmed in any way with the age differences. If you feel like having 3, you can since I didn't and the circle of life replenishment theory needs another :)
ReplyDeleteThat all being said, people ask because it has been a year. Somehow that is the magic time for another offspring to be considered. Then again, I have 2 very dear friends that are now happily and unexpectedly preggers a little later in life and with about 11 years and 7 years since the last one. Sometimes it is just a wonderful, if unplanned, fact of life. Love you with 1 or 100!