Shit My Family Says

Alex, about another baby/toddler, when comparing the development to our Bean:
"He's not really advanced. He just does other shit with his time."

Regarding farting:
Francie: "Phfffffrrrttttt."
Me to Francie: "Good farting."
Alex: "That was me."
Me: "Oh, ugh, yup, that was definitely you."
Alex to Francie: "See, Francie, you only get 'good farting' for a little while, then you get 'bad farting.' It's very confusing."

Alex recounting his interaction with our animal-sound loving toddler:

"I told Francie today that I had the munchies.
She said 'ooh ooh ah ah.'
'No not monkey, munchies,' I said.
Then she said 'ah ah' again.
She didn't get it. "

Alex to Francie:
"I like you because you're always the first kid at the park."

Alex to Francing when dressing her in the morning (in a pink and black shirt and purple jeggings):
"These go together because they're the same brand."

Me: "He doesn't know how to change a diaper."

Alex: "He's not a retard. "

Me: "Well he actually is a baby retard."

Francie: "Babytard."

Alex to Francie:
"I just want to cuddle. You smell so good. And you're so soft. Why do you have to move so much?"

Alex about Francie:
"I wanna hang out with her. That's why I'm going to bed now. So when I wake up in the morning I won't be all tired. I'll be like "Hey!""

Scene: Tuesday night, Burn Notice playing via Netflix, Alex laying down, me organizing photos on the computer for a Xmas gift.
Alex: "I got ripped off."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Alex: "You're not even watching the show."
Me:"Yes I am, I'm just multitasking."
Alex: "But you're not even cuddling with me. You're not even on the same piece of furniture! How can that count for anything?!?"

Mama to Francie in bed in the morning:

Francie: "Mmmm."

Me: "Are you hungry?"

Bean: "Yeah!"

Me: "Didn't I just feed you yesterday?!?"

Alex to me, when I attended a HS football game:
"Thanks for coming with me. It means a lot. Well, it's not like you have me a kidney. But I'm still glad you guys came with me.

Me re the Daft Punk's "Get Lucky":
"This song makes me want to get drunk and take a shower and dance."

Alex, after being questioned about how he could answer so many Jeopardy clues correctly.:
"I know about geography. Because I have an iPhone."

Alex to me: "I love you."
Silent pause.
Alex to me: "Do you love me too?"
Me: "Of course. It goes without saying."
Alex: "No. It doesn't."

Francie to naked Alex, when he puts in his undies in the morning:
"Buhbye, peepis."