Shit My Family Says, II

Best.One.Yet. This anecdote will be told for.ev.er. To summarize, this is the text I sent my BFF's:

 

 

This is special/funny for a number of reasons.

1) The Bean never plays alone. At least, never on command. When Alex and I decided that yeah, sure, we'd have sex during the day - which we would normally save for nap time or bed time - we didn't figure we'd be successful in telling the Bean to leave us the hell alone. When, in fact, she willingly went in to her room and read some books to herself.

2) How on earth did she know what we were doing?!? We didn't tell her, we didn't make any substantial noise, and she's never known about sex one way or the other before.

3) We have, in fact, spoke to her about making babies. We've long talked about how she grew inside my belly, described what she was like as a "tiny baby," and have talked openly about trying to turn our family of 3 into a family of four.

4) Why, oh why, must she already rebel against my feminist ways?!? Good job daddy?!? What about mama?!? I'm the one who has to do most of the work here, so I'd appreciate a round of applause and a nice compliment, too.

 

 

And here are some other memorable quotes from the recent past ...

 

 

After I'm accusing Alex of always beeing a grump.

Him: "See I'm not mad all the time. I'm like our weather - cloudy with a bit of sunshine."

Family ice cream date to Salt n Straw in NW Portland, for no occasion other than nice weather and a hankering for the best helado in town.

Daddy: "Francie, how did you end up with mama's ice cream cone?"
Francie: "Want it."
Me, giving her a bit of the mama stinkeye: "How did you end up with mama ice cream cone?"
Her: "Pooped. Potty!"

 

Alex: "I'm hungry."

Me: "You've been eating all morning. Didn't you just eat a second breakfast?!?"
Alex: "Yeah but babe, I'm a high performance vehicle. I don't get good gas mileage."

 

Daddy to Francie: "You ready to get out of the bath?"

Her: "No.  Just chillin'."

 

 

And now she says "write it down" anytime we laugh at something she says. She's onto me.

FYI, a "baby slam" is the Bean's way of saying "body slam," which we must say when she throws things.

Francie to Alex while cuddling in bed: "Nice tattoo. Poop potty?"


Me to Francie while at Harlow's birthday party: "Can I have a kiss?"
Francie: "No. At home."
Me: "Pretty please?!?"
Francie: "Not at party. At home."


Francie to Alex: "Big shit in potty. Ate coffee cake."


After school discussion:
Me: "How was school today?"
Francie: "Good."
Me: "What did you do?"
Francie: "Played."
Me, trying to have a conversation rather than a teenager-like one-sided interview: "Well, who did you play with?"
Francie: "Grandma Nancy."


Apparently at school she was playing with some sort of electronic game that wasn't working correctly. So she said the "f" word. And then again. And then again. Awesome. I guess someone needs to watch their potty mouth more closely.

 

"Mama go yoga get sweaty."

 

When Alex slacklines: "Yay, daddy! Proud!" 

 

Her: "Where my zit?"

Me: "It healed. Where's my zit?"

She points to it on my chin , where I've recently gauged a hole in my face. 

Me: "Is it pretty or ugly ?"

Her: "Ugly. Wash zit off."

"Francie have two zits."

 

"Be older get penis."

 

Me pooping. Francie, harassing and hugging my leg. "Famwy." (translation = "family")

 

Me, to Alex: I'm not a love muffin, I'm a Costco muffin. 

 

Francie camping and seeing a post with the campsite number. "Read sign."

Me: "what does it say?"

Her: "get ice cream now."

 

Apparently anything she doesn't want to do she plans to address on Sunday. Not much different than her mama's approach to errands and chores, really.

 

Why oh why do we have to have such potty mouths?!?

 

Maybe she'll grow up not associating the word "fat" with anything negative, as we tend to use that word a lot when we've eaten too much, or when pointing to her proud belly.

 

As I've mentioned before, she's totally mastered the deadpan stare.