Lies I Tell My 2-Year-Old

Since she's very nearly three, I figure I better up and get this drafted blog post out of my queue ...

"Your water's not in the car right now."

 - I'm tired of handing her the water bottle every 30 seconds, and she refuses to hold on to it herself.

"You can have cereal after we change your diaper. First diaper, then breakfast."

- I bribe her with Cheerios even though I know we don't have time for a sit-down meal because we're already running late for school/work. I hope she doesn't remember this promise, but know that she will. All I'm doing is delaying the tears for when she's already strapped in the car.

"There is no Elmo."

- Self explanatory. 

"The park is closed right now."

- The park never closes. But it's nasty out and I'm too lazy to walk there to push her on the swing.

"No, that's not a man's truck, that's a lady's truck." 

- I've never actually observed the owner of said vehicle, but I don't want her thinking that trucks are only for boys.

"There isn't anymore ice cream, sweetie."

- Also known as, "ice cream is for grown-ups." Sure, it's not good for her teeth or her body, but really I just don't want to share.

"Candy is for grown-ups. Kids aren't supposed to eat candy because it's bad for them. Like beer or soda."

- Now she's bright enough to say, "but mama, it's bad for you, too."

"I forgot how that song goes."

- One can only sing nursery rhymes so many times in a day.

"Syrup is for grown ups. You can have it when you're 18."

- That seems to be a theme, high sugar foods that are apparently okay for adults but not kids.

"Daddy is going out with his friends. He'll be home later."

- Yeah, as in way later. Like, maybe tomorrow.
 

"It's not a zit, it's a bug bite."

- Why does she always notice all my blemishes? Just wait, girlfriend, just wait.