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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

14 Years Ago

Fourteen years ago it was 2001 and I was 19 years old.
Fourteen years ago I was spending the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college on a resort island.
Fourteen years ago I was working as a waitress on Block Island, RI, where my brother lived and worked as a chef.
Fourteen years ago I was expecting a brief visit to the island from my parents.
Fourteen years ago I received an urgent call from my dad, informing my brother and me that my mom's health had taken a turn for the worse.
Fourteen years ago we rushed home from Rhode Island to Portland.
Fourteen years ago, on a layover, I attempted to talk to my mom on the phone.
Fourteen years ago I came home to my mom, laying in her bed, basically in some version of unconscious.
Fourteen years ago I learned that I was going to lose my mom to breast cancer sooner than I anticipated.
Fourteen years ago tonight, my mom officially passed on from this world, encircled by her husband, son, and daughter. Maybe a little Enya or Sarah McLachlan playing on CD in the background.
Fourteen years ago I spoke at my mom's memorial service, wearing the dress she bought me just a few months before at a boutique on our last girls' beach trip together.
Fourteen years ago I didn't know how my grief might unfold.
Fourteen years ago I was unsure of how to navigate the word as a motherless daughter.
Fourteen years ago I didn't know if or when the pain might subside.
Fourteen years ago I couldn't imagine what my future might still hold.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know that I would indeed graduate from UPS with a Psychology degree.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know I would move to Telluride with my very best friend, to again live with my brother.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know I would later move to Tahoe, and try my hand at journalism.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know that I would there meet the man I would later marry.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know  that together we would travel extensively in Argentina, meeting up with both our families to create memories for a lifetime. 
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know that I would, indeed, find a profession, and return to graduate school to become a speech-language pathologist.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know I would take significant interest in working with the veterans who served in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know there would be wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know that I would become pregnant at 29 with my first child, a girl.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know that my brother would sustain a terrible brain injury, from which he fully recovered.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know that I would fall so deeply, madly, and obsessively in love with this daughter of mine.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know that my dad and Bean would develop their own special bond. 
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know that Brian would meet and marry the woman of his dreams.
Fourteen years ago my mom didn't know if, how, or when we might all be alright. Yet here we are, fourteen years later, continuing on. And tonight we remember my mom by eating together at a new restaurant, dessert of key lime pie.





3 comments:

  1. Cheers to Mama Hartman and bug hugs to you all!

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh Jo! This is beautifully written. I need your email, or something so we can catch-up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. johartmanclose@gmail.com - I would love to get an email!

      Delete

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