... you see Fox News or CBS on all the TVs.
... the two older men walking slowly in front of you at the canteen are singing the praises of Reno versus Vegas.
... you overhear an obese female tell an overweight female therapist "you're so thin!"
... your productivity hovers around 40%.
... when you are fifteen minutes late to work you receive an email threatening to mark you AWOL.
... your schedule is, honest to god, called your "tour of duty."
... you have to change one of your 10 digit passwords every month or so, and it can never be the same as a previous password, and you are explicitly forbidden from writing down said passwords but must rather somehow, miraculously, commit them to memory.
... you have a demented patient say to your coworker, "I'd fuck your pussy if it didn't smell like a chicken coop!"
... you have to change one of your 10 digit passwords every month or so, and it can never be the same as a previous password, and you are explicitly forbidden from writing down said passwords but must rather somehow, miraculously, commit them to memory.
... you have a demented patient say to your coworker, "I'd fuck your pussy if it didn't smell like a chicken coop!"
... you have as many patients no-show as you do attend scheduled appointments.
... the disheveled guy waiting for the bus is wearing a t-shirt that says, "Sex Educator: First Lesson for Free."
... you see someone in full camouflage at 8 in the morning.
... the "canteen" regularly sells hats, stickers, and t-shirts with phrases such as "he's not heavy, he's my brother" and "mother of an Army veteran."
... there's a car fire in the parking garage because it was parked too close to the smoking shack.
... your patient doesn't consider his 4-inch pocket knife a weapon.
... there are more Bush than Obama stickers.
... the disheveled guy waiting for the bus is wearing a t-shirt that says, "Sex Educator: First Lesson for Free."
... you see someone in full camouflage at 8 in the morning.
... the "canteen" regularly sells hats, stickers, and t-shirts with phrases such as "he's not heavy, he's my brother" and "mother of an Army veteran."
... there's a car fire in the parking garage because it was parked too close to the smoking shack.
... your patient doesn't consider his 4-inch pocket knife a weapon.
... there are more Bush than Obama stickers.
... your new patient asks you if you if you believe in God.
... it's easier to get a "therapy llama" in for a vist than a graduate student observer.
... you spend more time completing mandatory online training videos than meeting with patients.
... your patients call you "Dr. Jo." Or "miss." Or "ma'am."
... all the Bluetooth devices are actually hearing aids.
... you see multiple people drinking large sodas. At 8:15 in the morning.
... you regularly ask your patients for their "MOS," even though you can rarely remember what it stands for (Military Occupational Specialty, military speak for job).
... when asked to brainstorm 30 ways to get a cat out of a tree, your Compensatory Cognitive Skills class comes up with mostly violent means such as using a variety of explosives, a tank, chainsaws, etc.
... you spend more time completing mandatory online training videos than meeting with patients.
... your patients call you "Dr. Jo." Or "miss." Or "ma'am."
... all the Bluetooth devices are actually hearing aids.
... you see multiple people drinking large sodas. At 8:15 in the morning.
... you regularly ask your patients for their "MOS," even though you can rarely remember what it stands for (Military Occupational Specialty, military speak for job).
... when asked to brainstorm 30 ways to get a cat out of a tree, your Compensatory Cognitive Skills class comes up with mostly violent means such as using a variety of explosives, a tank, chainsaws, etc.
... your patient has a kind of southern sounding rural accent, even though they live just 45 minutes from the hospital. In a town you've never heard of. And they were born and raised Oregonian.
... you've been in your office nearly 2.5 years before you get a clock hung on the wall.
... you've been in your office nearly 2.5 years before you get a clock hung on the wall.
I'm dying laughing - mainly because I know these aren't entirely meant to be funny - but they are 100% true. In my experience- an alternative title for this post could be, "You know you work for the government when..."
ReplyDeleteSo true! You know you work for the feds when ...
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