Solo

Not "solo" in the sense of the red keg cup, but "solo" as in alone. By myself. Party of one. Spring Break 2016 found our little family on each of our own adventures - Alex sailing on Sugar Pine in the San Francisco Bay with his brother and dad, Francine with her Mimi on a Big Girls Trip in Vallejo with Great Grandma Lambie and Great Aunt Patty, and me at home in SW Portland on my own solo staycation. It has now been two weeks since our solo vacays, but tardiness is just kind of how I roll these days, especially when it comes to writing in general, but blogging specifically.

During the decision-making process - whether I, too, should join my fam on a trip to the Bay Area - I was conflicted and angsty. Ultimately, I decided I should seize the opportunity and spend an extended period of time at home alone, with the hopes of being productive, relaxing, and desperately missing my husband and daughter. In reality, it was all a whole let less dramatic than I anticipated, on all fronts. I was less productive than I intended. I relaxed some, but has this anxious sense that I should be doing more. And while I missed the family, I certainly wasn't crying myself to sleep in their absence. My bestie, Katie, said it best: "I live in a constant state of emotional conflict since having a child."

On the plus side, I don't think I ate a regular meal in over four days. Seriously. What I did eat: mac n cheese, several (protein/granola) bars, an entire box of Jujubes, part of a box of Dots (before I threw the rest away), lots of Tillamook chocolate peanut butter ice cream, several Hershey kisses, goldfish and Ritz crackers, at least one or two Isagenix shakes each day, and maybe some cheesy toast. So yeah, not a single vegetable, let alone a green vegetable.

Some 96 hours to myself, save for a short work day Wednesday, and I still don't think I completed even half of the things on my To-Do list.

What I did do: go shopping at Athleta (despite my promise to not spend any money); watch two Netflix movies over the course of four days; walk/jog/hike daily; sleep in; watch a Brene Brown TEDTalk, become interested in the notion of shame, discover the research into "toxic shame," and spend hours crying about it (that's for another post, or maybe just for my therapist or even my own head); catch up on a few emails and computer tasks; relish every picture text I got from Alex or Mimi; do just a little bit of reading and writing and crafting; and manically clean the house in the 60 minutes before picking up Alex and Francie from the airport.

Brian and Alex sailing under the Golden Gate Bridge in the beautiful SUNSHINE!

Their view for a night.

Big Girl tea party with Mimi. Elsa dress? Check. Princess crown? Check.

A few of my favorite things - the Bean, California poppies, and sunshine.

Forest park hike/jog. Solo selfies are really kind of depressing. I'm glad I'm not a teenager.