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Tuesday, June 14, 2016

(Camino) - Home Again



I'm home again. And unemployed. And yesterday feeling anxious about it all. My homecoming was wonderful, both the Bean and the Hubs appeared sincerely excited and joyful to see me. After 29 hours of travel, the two of them standing their with the orange and pink flowers at the PDX airport was a sight for sore eyes.

Francine stayed up late watching Frozen and joined Alex for a late night airport pickup. She was delighted, and hasnt let me out of her sight. She seemed pleased to see Beebee, too. She fell asleep in the car hime, Alex carried her to her bed, the queen mattress newly made in order to acommodate mama. I took a long and strong shower, having not done so in 48 hours. Travel makes me feel filthy. I fell asleep in my own bed in Alexs arms, fending him off from my side of the bed for the rest of the night, as he had taken to sleeping on my side in my absence. 

Alexs last day of work was Monday, so the Bean and I enjoyed our Mama Day together - morning cuddles, puzzles,  playground at the coffee shop, and a park visit for her to show off her new ability to climb into the big kid swing by herself. I felt weird all day, sad even. I chalked it up to jet lag, a missed Zoloft dose, or run of the mill fatigue. But I also remembered returning from Argentina and what a strange transition it was, re-acclimating to home. Like I've had this big experience and everything's different but also everything's the same. The Bean and I snoozed on the couch together and watched part of a movie. And before I knew it Alex was home for the summer, and we celebrated with a walk to the Village for yummy pizza takeout and a cold picnic at Gabriel Park, tire swing and all. 

We slept in again Tuesday, and I brought Francie to daycare pretty late. I returned home to a waffle and champagnes breakfast, the first meal at the table together in I don't know how long. I told Alex about some Camino details, showed some more photos, and we started mapping out another fun summer - camping the Metolious with friends, a Tahoe road trip, Shasta camping, some work at RIO at Legacy Good Sam, a big trip to Michigan with a possible side trip to Chicago, family backpacking, more friend camping, a best friend's wedding, and a beach trip. And hopefully with some swim lessons, local adventures, writing, and house projects in there. Phew!

Although annoyed at myself about being somewhat sad to be home, I'm trying something new. Allowing space for those feelings rather than judging them and trying to shut them down. "Of course!" I'm sad my big, soulful, indecent adventure has come to a close. "Of course!" I'm delighted to see my family. "Of course!" it will be a bit of a transition, including a major change in employment, adjustment post-vacation and post-intense physical activity, and easing into new summer routines. 

So yeah, I'm home again home again joggers jig. I'm ecstatic and feel so incredibly warm with family love. And I'm also sad to not be walking and thinking and slowly taking in the Spanish countryside. 


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