SLIDER

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Marching or Not - What Can We DO?


Like everyone else, I've been thinking a lot about what I can actually do as we enter this next era, a turbulent one where Trump is U.S. President and he politics from Twitter in fewer than 140 poorly ordered characters, he boasts about 3 Doors Down, intends to appoint a rich moron to run the nation's education system, and threatens to wipe entire populations off the planet. And while I can't do a whole lot about his actual position of power, there are certainly things I CAN do to make a positive difference in much smaller ways. Starting with this simple act of reflection.

A surprise to some, I am not actually planning to participate in the Portland Women's March this afternoon. For one, I'm working at the hospital today. But saying "I'm working" implies that I would otherwise be walking/standing with the thousands of other women and allies in the march if it were not for my egregious work schedule (kidding). The truth is, I likely might not be joining the feminist forces today at Waterfront Park anyway, mostly because I'm not that kind of person - the kind that can tolerate crowds, that is. I feel pretty damned uneasy in all large, crowded events, although the open space of being outside is a plus. And add to it the whole organized, political aspect of things, and I basically need an entire bottle of Ativan to calm my nerves when just entertaining the idea. Seriously though, I wasn't going to let Alex take our Bean, my (irrational?) fear of crazy white rural Oregonian terrorists and all. But also, I'm not really one for all that face-to-face camaraderie and team spirit.

For example, I'm not a sports fan, and I never could understand how people can be so loyal to a group of people they don't even know. Growing up, I was most involved in more independent sports like gymnastics and running, although I did play soccer for a number of years. I've never strongly affiliated with a political party; its basic social values, yes, but not its title. I'm not religious (although I started attending a UU church last year). I have a small family. Basically, I have a hard time getting behind anything that a whole group of other people are. Not necessarily because I'm trying to be a contrarian, but just because it gets me all kinds of itchy and uncomfortable, like I have ants in my pants. I think I'm missing that "tribal" gene.

All of that said, I do truly believe in the message of the march - that women's rights are human rights, the importance of standing up for people from ALL marginalized groups, and that the rhetoric of the recent election cycle and especially from our new President of the United States, is nothing short of abhorrent.

Instead of marching, I volunteered to work at RIO today, in part because I wanted to feel useful. I certainly didn't feel good about skipping the rally to instead sit at home and watch TV. I happen to have a lot of pride in the fact that I work in a helping profession, that I get to serve people regardless of their gender identity, race or ethnic background, sexual orientation, or even country of origin/documentation status. Sure, the healthcare industry has its myriad glitches in terms of service provision (namely, the insurance middleman), but traumatic brain injury and stroke and cancer certainly don't discriminate. And neither do speech, language, swallowing and cognitive therapies. So here I am at work today, rocking my "Wild Feminist" sweatshirt, of course, and feeling great pride in knowing that my supportive husband, spirited 4 year old daughter, and 70-something father are braving the rain and the crowds - carrying signs I helped make last night ("I'm the boss of my body!") - representing me and the millions of others who care deeply about general humanity.

It would be fair for someone to criticize my lack of participation based on my "discomfort." I am well aware that being "comfortable" isn't necessarily part of the deal when committing yourself to social equity; discomfort is often a critical element of change. Standing up for your convictions can be uncomfortable. Being different can be uncomfortable. Challenging your own long-held beliefs can be uncomfortable. Rejection can be uncomfortable. Offering support, maybe even holding hands and giving hugs, at least for me, can be mighty uncomfortable. I have spent a good deal of time considering whether my "discomfort" excuses me from events such as the march. The conclusion that I've drawn is that it doesn't have to be so black and white, that my decision not to march is neither "right" nor "wrong." That I offered to work, so that another colleague can participate in the march, is a necessary part of the process, too. It takes a village, so to speak. But also, I can participate and be of service and contribute to progress in so many varied ways, whether or not I had planned to march. In fact, I would argue that it's even more important for myself and all the other Trump dissenters consider what ELSE we can and should be doing to actively participate in creating a future where people are people, individual variances are valued, and those who can afford to help do so for less fortunate. Period. And so this is what I've come up with ...

There are things that I'm already doing to make the world, and my little universe, a better place. There are things that I do sometimes, but could be doing more or better. And then there are things that I am not doing, or have never done, that I intend to begin. Action, actually doing something, will not only empower me with a sense of control and participation (and set a good example to my Bean), but maybe, just maybe, might make a difference, even just to one individual for one moment in time. And that is enough. The subtle, the small, and the quiet are equally as valuable as the overt and the large and the loud. When it comes to activism, for now I'm choosing to focus my energies on the former.


Things I already do ...

- Speak aloud my gratitude, compliments, and positive feedback. Greet and even chat up strangers. Acknowledge those who often do "invisible" work with a smile and a wave. Hold the door at the post office. Pass along the positive things I think in my head, like when Alex had his little pass-out event at the Crystal Ballroom, and I was feeling particularly grateful to the McMenamins staff who assisted us, instead of just thanking them in the moment and then telling others how nice they treated me, I also sent an email to the company to put the very same things in writing.

- Write thank-you notes (almost always). Encourage my daughter to acknowledge nice acts, and express her awareness and gratitude, too.

- Deliberately choose children's books and toys that incorporate a diversity of characters, including race/ethnicity, gender identity and family composition; ones that address environmental awareness, our "Mother Earth," even climate change; and themes surrounding taking another perspective, compassion and empathy, kindness, manners, giving back, mindfulness and paying attention to feelings

- Work in a "helping profession." Like I said earlier, I have a great sense of pride in my work as a speech-language pathologist, and am honored to work with a diversity of individuals across the age spectrum when they are often in a time of significant vulnerability or need. I have spent a large portion of my time as an SLP as a "public servant," working at the VA hospital serving veterans of our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now I work (training/supervising graduate students) in memory care facilities, serving a group of people that are not often discussed as "marginalized," but who certainly are in our society. Sure, I get paid for this type of "helping" work, but in the context of having studied/trained for 7+ years (think, significant school loans), and while the pay is "good," it's not like I run a thriving designer running shoe company with great stock options. I am proud that my profession is one that is directly related to helping others.

- Seek information. Read. With openness to a variety of experiences and perspectives. Observe my own responses. Reflect on my reflexive feelings about external factors. Correct them as I see fit, whether in a benign circumstance such as in traffic, or in more significant experiences (my own marital disputes aside, because let's be honest here, I practice so little of these things with myself or my husband, so that

- Write. Voice my opinion. Have an open mind. Reflect on my own reactions to external factors, whether as benign as traffic or more personal like trolling comments on news articles.

- Stand up against overt discrimination, although it's not like I have many opportunities for this.

- Ask questions. Whether it's what someone wants to be called, or how they identify.

- Seek other perspectives, experiences, outlooks.


Things I do some but could do more or do better ...

- Spread positivity. Turn "I wonders" in to actions. Help out every time it crosses my mind. I tend to be better about these kinds of things amongst strangers, like out and about, but I need to focus on some of these exact same aspects on the homefront. It really all starts at home, after all.

- Pay closer attention to more covert discrimination, to microaggressions, and embrace opportunities to address them head on.



- Not just capitalize on, but also purposefully seek out every opportunity to use my inherent privilege to promote kindness, compassion, equity, unity.

- Re-initiate regular volunteering. I have been involved in some kind of volunteer work since I was 13 or 14 and visited a crusty, subpar "nursing home" in Willamette on a weekly basis where I painted nails, read Chicken Soup for the Soul aloud, or played checkers with residents who otherwise didn't have family or friends around. In college I worked in the juvenile detention facility. In Tahoe I mentored a minority teen girl. Back in Portland I was involved with The Dougy Center, then Courageous Kids in Eugene, and then The Dougy Center again. That is, I had regularly volunteered my time with various organizations until I was pregnant with Francine in 2011 and completing my fellowship at the VA. Last week I phoned and emailed the


Things I'm going to start paying attention to, learning about, or doing, that I haven't done before ...

- Consuming media and information from a more diverse array of artists. Namely, I am going to broaden my limited reading repertoire to include a variety of authors or narrative voices and styles. I will purposefully seek out books written by women of color, both fiction and nonfiction. I will intentionally select books, podcasts, editorials, movies, and music that are different from what I am already familiar with.

- Treat my dollar like the vote I get to cast every damned day. Do more in-depth exploration of companies, manufacturing, HR and general socio-political practices. Spend less, and consume less overall - particularly because it is my personal belief that our nation's stuff, our affluenza, our capitalism - is also at the epicenter of our difficulties.

- Listen more, talk less. About race. Intersectional feminism. About the experiences of lower-income blue collar types who vocally supported Trump while denying racism/misogyny/xenophobia. At home, with my husband and daughter. With my students. And my friends. To my dad. Learn to hold my tongue, to hold back on the impassioned negative - the criticism, the complaining. And most of all, to myself - my heart and my body, to listen more than my mind chatters.

- Educate myself about who to write or call in local government to make my wants, needs, and priorities known to our representatives. And actually write those emails or those letters, actually make those phone calls.

- Put my money where my mouth is. Start giving, financially, to the organizations and the causes that I care about. Institute a plan for developing our family's "philanthropy," as a means for discussing and defining our family values, and "creating a giving plan and leaving a legacy," following the recommendation from the UU service to look at the Inspired Philanthropy book and website.

- And lastly, to remain open to the things I know not, as this is a dynamic process.







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