1) NO extra time has magically appeared, like I expected it would. Time to re-engage in some of my favorite old-lady pastimes like cross-stitch and embroidery, time to write, time to work on long-neglected chores, time to organize the thousands of digital photos and files. Like, how on earth did I ever find time to watch Newsroom, or scroll through Instagram, or become enraged scanning reader comments on NYT articles, or gorge myself on socially liberal Evangelical Christian blog posts?!?
Sure, I have probably spent a bit more time each night reading before bed. I did take the time to create a fun (read: nerdy) birthday present for my mother-in-law. And Alex and I have found ourselves with more opportunities to "chat" (which is sometimes just code for discussion-turned-argument). And I am proud to say I have already finished one book so far this month, The Girls. And I have been listening to more podcasts (I was already tuning in during my commute, but am now also doing sometimes while exercising).
2) While this experiment has not been a re-discovery of lost time, it HAS been a wonderful lesson in being mindful and enjoying the day-to-day. I have never, ever been so present with my daughter for such a lengthy and consistent period of time. I have also never read so many children's books in every room of the house, nor played so many board games so many times in a row. Interestingly, and I'm afraid I'll jinx it by writing it here, Francine seems to have gotten somewhat more comfortable with independent play. I don't know whether it is (A) a product of her feeling sated by her parents' undivided attention, or (B) that our undivided attention allows us to notice that she was actually playing alone more often than we gave her credit for.
Don't get me wrong - our Only Child Extraordinaire is wholly reliant on us to play Lost Puppies, and now Trouble and Catan Junior, or to watch her do yet another "silly dance," or insists on speaking ONLY when we are finally, just finally, getting in to a conversation over dinner about our days. But she hasn't asked for TV even once. And we have engaged in some great pastimes. We discovered the Beaverton City Library. We are taking full advantage of the "game library" at our fabulous Multnomah Village toy store, Thinker Toys. We are utilizing books on CD as we previously did Netflix/Hulu, to entertain Francine when we either don't want to or aren't able to pay full attention to her. We borrowed 20-something audiobooks from the Mecca (Beaverton City Library), and I even included those terrible Disney/Princess stories, for "special" occasions like when Mama needs to do some work on a Friday when daycare was closed due to freezing rain; yup, you read that right, I EVEN survived an unexpected school closure/Snow Day without breaking any of our fasting rules. We are frequenting our neighborhood coffee shop, Maplewood Coffee and Tea, and learning some really valuable lessons from The Game of Life - about how the person who retires with the most money wins, that the players who produce the most offspring get paid in retirement for their reproductive successes, and that you can get fired from your job for bringing your cat to work. I have been better at incorporating Francine in my chores and home-related tasks, rather than wishing she could entertain herself so I can just get through making dinner/folding laundry/vacuuming/packing lunch/sending a text. We are more present. We are more attentive. We are more patient. We aren't in a hurry at bedtime "so that we have time to relax and watch a show before bed." These parents seem more present. The daughter seems more satisfied. There is notably fewer conflicts. Everyone seems some version of happier.
3) My original instinct in writing down my reflection thus far was to note the many ways I have "broken the rules." But speaking of mindfulness, I have chosen to focus, instead, on my current behaviors while leaving the judgment on the sidelines. But I did want to record some generalities about iPhone use, spending, etc.
iPhone Usage:
I certainly am still using my phone on a regular basis - to schedule appointments or check my calendar, read/send text messages, check email, address a package, lookup up directions, listen to Pandora, do a guided meditation - but there is a total absence of staring at my phone. I would guess both my eyes and my brain are relishing the break from the small and visually over-stimulating screen.
Internet/Computer Usage:
There have been several occasions where I would typically whip out my phone to quickly procure a piece of information. That is the habit I have become most aware of. And it has also been the habit that has been far easier to break than I would have anticipated. For example, a neighbor this weekend mentioned going to an Elephant and Piggie event at the Beaverton Library. Typically, I would pull out my phone, enter some key words into Google, and the location, time, and cost of the event would magically appear. Instead, I used the Maps application to lookup the Beaverton City Library, and called - I actually called - the front desk to inquire about the Mo Willems play. I wasn't able to purchase tickets over the phone (and was actually directed to the website), and decided that Francie and I would just wing it - we arrived at the library early, had to put our name on the waitlist for the sold out show, explored the children's section, did not get admitted to the play, and very much enjoyed not having a set plan. I would also argue it was a good lesson for modeling "going with the flow." I typically rely pretty heavily on the PDX Kids Calendar for ideas for outings with the Bean; prior to this month I made a list of all the recurring events on Wednesdays (Mama Days), with the pertinent information. And on the weekends, I have been more deliberate about looking in the newspapers and free local parenting magazines for ideas. And also just using my own damn brain to come up with ideas for activities. I have come to think of our instant access to information as akin to public masturbation, but that's a story for another time.
Other changes have included writing the titles of books or names of songs down in my notebook, rather than inputting into Amazon or using Shazam to name and track a song that I like.
I have checked both the Oregonian and New York Times news apps a few times (which we said was okay), but have felt kind of, I don't know, cheap? when consuming information on my phone screen, so haven't lasted long. My dad recently started getting a paper version of the NYT, which he has brought to our house. And I started listening to a new 20-minute daily podcast from NYT so that I'm not totally in the dark about our current affairs.
As for the exceptions, or the ways in which I have "broken the rules," - I have obviously been accessing and using both my personal and work email accounts. I have not been following and reading links to websites that I am sent via email. I have accessed several web-based programs for work-related things. I did Google "Portland areas school closures" on that Friday morning there was freezing rain, in order to learn about whether or not my daughter's school was open, and to make a decision about whether or not my students and I would be meeting at our site. I did a brief Internet search for the local yoga studios along my commute from Hillsboro/Beaverton, and did go to each of those three studio websites to print their schedules. And I spent several hours using the Shutterfly website to make a present for my mother-in-law's birthday.
TV:
Francie and I have made a habit of starting our day with TV on Wednesdays, something like the Today Show, which I justify as "helping me wake up." I also am prone to put on a show while we eat lunch together on Mama Days or the weekend. As for the mornings, I have forced myself to get dressed as soon as I get out of bed, and we have been venturing to the coffee shop for a nice morning treat. For lunch, we have simply been eating at the table instead, and I often find myself thumbing through the paper or a magazine I haven't yet read, while also chit-chatting with Francie and helping her "do" a Sudoku or crossword puzzle alongside me.
Notably - last Wednesday morning she woke up to eat breakfast with Alex at 6 a.m., and let me sleep until 8 a.m.!!! That's never happened before; that means she literally played alone, and quietly, from 6:30 until 8 a.m., when "the clock was out of the purple," to wake me. And yesterday, although we slept in, I actually woke before her (which rarely happens), and we read in bed together. As in, I read (and finished) my book, and she gathered several of her own books to read by herself next to me. Also a first. Typically at our house "reading together" means we are reading aloud to her.
But also, we did turn on the Super Bowl this weekend, which we had pre-arranged. Although originally I thought we'd be watching the game in a more social context, the weather was shitty and we weren't up for leaving the house, so we conceded to watching part of the game with our own very intermittent and frustrating television reception.
Spending/Consuming:
We have meal-planned and grocery shopped weekly. Both Alex and I got $200 each of wallet money for the month. I have spent money on coffee dates with Francie, coffee for myself (but only if I stay at the café to take a lunch break or to do computer work, not buying coffee "to go"), lunch out and play area access at Pied Piper Play Café. I did buy a "material good," because I went last week to Powell's to hear Ayelet Waldman speak on her new book, and had planned ahead of time that I would purchase a copy of the book for her to sign. The three of us ate dinner our this weekend, which we realized we hadn't done in months, and paid with our wallet money. Also, it is only fair to note, I did buy a few things ahead of time on Amazon, that have arrived this month. And I ordered a bunch of work pants from Target.com a couple weeks ago that have also arrived this month.
I gave myself some serious pats on the back for refusing a "final" Internet binge/purchase on the first of the month - remember how I stayed up late that last night in January frantically doing all the Internet things, a binge before our purge, but wasn't able to get everything done that I needed to? Welllllll, I left a few tabs open on my computer - Etsy, and several Pinterest/craft/sewing instructions to print. I filled my shopping cart last night with a few purchases from Etsy for Valentines Day - a holiday I have NEVER before purchased gifts for, with the intention to complete the purchase in the morning. I also tentatively planned to check FB/IG one last time, approximately 24 hours after posting about our social media departure, just in case there was something there I NEEDED to know. But when I sat down with my mac n cheese for a 4 p.m. late lunch to write some notes about my day, I decided that I was not, in fact going to make those Etsy purchases or check those accounts even one more time. I did, however, permit myself to open the tab with the phone/email/mailing address information for contacting my representatives, to copy and paste into a Word document.
And finally, here are some photos that show what the past week-plus look like on 54th Ave ...
Deep in a game of Catan Junior. To all my good friends - don't go buy this game. It has been named our default bday present for PreK and early grade schoolers.
Beaverton City Library discovery - we didn't get to see the Elephant and Piggie show, but we DID fall in love with the children's section at this giant community resource.
Francie even got her first library card! Proud mama moment.
People Equal, By James Berry
Some people shoot up tall.
Some hardly leave the ground at all.
Yet - people equal. Equal.
One voice is a sweet mango.
Another is a nonsugar tomato.
Yet - people equal. Equal.
Some people rush to the front.
Other hand back, feeling they can't.
Yet - people equal. Equal.
Hammer some people, you meet a wall.
Blow hard on others, they fall.
Yet- people equal. Equal.
One person will aim at a star.
For another, a hilltop is too far.
Yet- people equal. Equal.
Some people get on with their show.
Others never get on the go.
Yet - people equal. Equal.
Listening to Eloise on CD.
Trouble and Maplewood hot cocoa with Beebee.
Books in bed with Mama!
Yes, she even meditates with me sometimes. I don't look this sweet doing it though.
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