(February Fast) - Tested

I have managed to survive Mama and Family Days without television as a crutch - even with an unexpected "snow" day thrown in there. But today I'm being tested as my own creature of habit.

I was slated to work 11 out of 13 days in a row. But alas, I got called off on Wednesday (thank you!) and Pacific U didn't need my help after all on Saturday. Instead, I made a last-minute dentist appointment, of course have a cavity that needs filling, and a wide open day. The wide open day is highly welcomed, of course, but also is a bit threatening to my commitment to this whole fast thing.

Then again, it's not like I've been an entirely faithful follower. In the last week, I have 'broken the rules' a number of times, with regard to the Internet, or sneaky little variations of the Internet. For example, I just purchased tickets online  for the three of us to go to a Beauty and the Beast play. Yesterday evening, not at home but not at work either, I used the Internet to research "science writing," and perused job postings on Indeed.com (even considering applying for some blogger-type job posting that is probably more a scam than actual work).

But the temptation today is lying with Ugg boots. That's right, the flip-flop of sheepskin boots is tempting me like the serpent in Eden.

My text exchange with Alex (aka my 'sponsor') went a little something like this:

Me: "I'm having urges."

Me: "I'm in an addiction flare."

Me: "I want to use my $100 gift card and shop online for new Ugg boots!"

Him: "Don't do it! Stay strong. It'll still be there next month."

Me: "I haven't given in to the temptation yet. But I'm only just now at my computer. Remind me WHY I shouldn't do it? My brain is saying, 'it's just one website. it's deliberate. you have a gift card so it won't even cost money. you're just looking.'

Him: "Same thoughts I have about herb. Only reason not to is because you said you wouldn't. To prove your mastery over your behavior. To feel what it's like and how easy/hard it is to push through habitual/addictive distractions. You'll never know, if you give in."

Me: "Fair argument. I'm asking myself, 'but how do you ACTUALLY want to spend your time? do you want to be someone who finally has some free time and spends it shopping online? do you even like shopping? what about writing? that's what you always say you want time for. do you want to be someone who consumes? or someone who maintains, uses, or otherwise enjoys the things you already own? all those things you say you want - free time to think and just be, to write, to exercise, to stretch and to meditate, to read leisurely and drink yummy coffee - now is when you actually can do those kinds of things. don't fill you time, and your life, with addictive, compulsive, consumer bullshit out of bad habits.'

Him: "I like it!"

Needless to say, I didn't buy any new Uggs, let alone even visit the website. I did get a few work-related tasks done. And I did get to spend several hours catching up with some friends. But I also got stuck in traffic, and had to manage the anxiety associated with the guilt of "wasting" my solo day at home by not even being at home at all. That said, I did indeed spend my unexpected free day involved in the kinds of things that minimalism values, and I suppose I'll call that the victory it is.