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Sunday, March 5, 2017

(February Fast) - Breaking Fast

I broke our fast several days early, last Saturday morning, and in a major way - with hours upon hours, days even, of TV. Big Little Lies. Girls. The Affair.  Divorce. Gilmore Girls. The Mindy Project. Daniel Tiger. Angelina Ballerina. a weird documentary about tickling, and thanks to my in-laws, Moana. My dedication to the "February Fast" had nothin' on the Winter Plague of 2017. Succumbing to the viral invasion, I set up camp on the couch for five straight days, breaking only for trips to urgent care, to throw away the mountain of green mucous-filled tissues, get yet another popsicle from the freezer, to inspect my throat in the mirror, to go on the slowest neighborhood stroll of all time. Or to take - whole, in pudding - more Advil/Tylenol/Vicodin. Yup, you read that right, I got painkillers for a cold (the first night of the Plague, I didn't sleep more than 20 minutes because my swallow was painful enough to wake me; the next day, I was spitting rather than swallowing my own secretions and I was barely getting enough liquids; the next day, my uvula swollen approximately 2.5x its normal size, I returned to urgent care and I welcomed a shot of a super duper anti-inflammatory into my ass with the hopes that I could now swallow without gagging, that I could stay resting on the couch rather than retching into the toilet).

All that said, I barely "watched" any of that television, because really, Francie was the one who made out like a bandit with my breaking fast early, getting limitless access to television on Monday (I was too sick to bring her to school) and Wednesday (typically a no work/no school day) at home with a sick Mama. And let it be known that I didn't violate the entirety of the fast - you know you're sick as a fucking dog when you feel too shitty to even bother to try and distract yourself from a 2-hour wait at urgent care with online shopping or social media.

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