Easter Obsession

"The Easter Bunny isn't even real," I found myself telling my five-year-old daughter the other night, as she inquired about Easter for the millionth time.

Immediately wracked with a touch of guilt/shame, I tried to explain myself. "I mean, the Easter Bunny is not real like how Mickey or Minnie Mouse aren't real."

"Like Santa's not real?"

"No! Not at all. Santa is totally real. The Easter Bunny is made-up, pretend, more like a character."

She thought about this for awhile, and then asked again why the Easter Bunny wouldn't be bringing her anything on Sunday. He/it came last year, to Aunt Patty's house, after all.

Me: "No, that was Mimi. She gave you that Easter basket with some stuff in it."

Her, defensively, even, dare I say, defiantly, "No, it was the Easter Bunny."

Alex pipes in from where he is washing his hands in the bathroom, asking gently: "Francie, do you want to believe in the Easter Bunny?"

"Yes."

"Well that's fine, of course," he tells her. "You can believe in the Easter Bunny if you want. But just don't be sad when you wake up on Sunday and you don't have presents or candy or anything."

"But I want presents."

If you ask me, this is case.in.point.

Still ruminating about how I'm a dream-killer of a mother, having told my preschooler that fun pretend things are not real. "Hey Francie, also, maybe don't say anything to your friends at school about whether or not the Easter Bunny is real. Some kids might think that he is a real thing, like Santa, that comes to their house to bring them candy or presents. We don't want to make them feel sad by telling them that he's just a character."

If there was the Springtime equivalent of Scrooge, I would totally be it. I HATE Easter. Which is funny, simply because of the fact that I was actually born on Easter; my birthday and the holiday have coincided every eleven years so far.

On Friday, "We had an Easter egg hunt at school today! I found five eggs! But why don't we have Easter at our house?"

Me: "Because we're not Christian. But even if we were Christian, we wouldn't do egg hunts or Easter Bunnies anyway."

"But why?"

"Well, because Easter is the most important of the Christian holidays. The Easter Bunny is just some made up character to get us to buy more stuff that doesn't even have to do with the holiday. If we were Christian, we would celebrate Jesus, not the Easter Bunny. And since we're not Christian, we don't celebrate either."

"I'm a Christian."

"People who are Christian believe that Jesus is their lord and savior. Some people are Christian, some people are Jewish, some people are Muslim, and some people, like us, are atheists. People who are Christian believe that Jesus was a really, really important guy, the son of god, and that he was killed and then resurrected. They think Easter is when Jesus came back to life.  It's what makes them believe in heaven, too."

"I believe in heaven."

I die a little on the inside each time she says this, thinking about the white-washed Jesus surrounded by all the white fluffy lambs decorating her daycare walls this month. I know full well that if she thinks of it at all, she thinks of Jesus/god as a white man with a big white beard sitting up on a cloud reigning over the earth like some kind of weird hippie president. Instead I tell her, "Well that's fine, you are allowed to believe in different things than me. We can all believe whatever we want. That's what makes it so cool to live in the United States." Unable to stop there, "But you know, Daddy isn't a Christian. I'm not a Christian," and then trying to use her adoration for Paul to serve my agenda, "Papa isn't a Christian, either."

We've been having this "Christian" conversation on occasion for a few months now. Clearly the religious lessons at her preschool are infiltrating her tiny, impressionable brain. I'm not opposed to the teachings, per se - I actually think the cultural competence is essential - but I totally take issue with the ethnocentricity and concreteness of organized religion, particularly those conveyed in places like Sunday School.

As for Easter, I am fully aware my logic is ridiculously inconsistent - I'm a YUUUUGE fan of all things Xmas (notice the "X" for "Christ" there? that's deliberate; not to disrespect, but actually to reflect my awareness that its origins are Biblical, but that my practice is 100% secular), but barely acknowledge and refuse to enjoy a single aspect of Easter. My rationale for Xmas is that it's a cultural, not a religious, holiday (for us); that it's a great time for family to come together; that it signifies a change in seasons. But all the same could be said about Easter. For so many Americans, Easter is a cultural holiday to be spent with family in celebration of Springtime. I get it, I do. If I feel comfortable celebrating Christmas, I should also be able to celebrate Easter. Or if my atheism makes Easter not applicable, then the same should be said for Christmas. But my love for Santa, gift-giving, tree decorating, cookie baking, holiday music, and something merry and bright in the midst of the dreary winter - it totally trumps my logic about religious celebration.

This morning we saw a few neighbors walk by with their kids carrying baskets, and I wondered aloud if there was an egg hunt at our neighborhood park (I'm rarely on FB so am not reliably privy to these things). Alex was lacing up his shoes to head out to Home Depot, "Are we bad parents for not taking our daughter to do something fun like an Easter egg hunt this weekend? Instead, I'm modeling the importance of Sunday capitalism in the name of home projects."

Me: "Nah, we'd be teaching her capitalism either way - buying shit at Home Depot, or looking for the most plastic eggs at the park. Like I said before, I'm not anti-Easter, I'm just anti- us celebrating Easter. If we are ever invited to an Easter dinner or church service or something with practicing Christians, I'd totally join. Just like if some Jewish friends invited us to seder or something. But otherwise, I don't really see the value of bunnies and baskets and egg hunts."

Interestingly, there hasn't been one *peep* (get it?!?) about Easter from our little believer today, even though just yesterday she was hiding and then finding her very own eggs (from the school hunt) in the yard. She is, however, dressed in a very fancy pastel blue dress and looks like she spent her morning at church and afternoon with a retirement home filled with the elderly.