“This is a nice ride … I don’t think I’ve ever heard our kids this quiet before,” the commercial mom, whose nametag says Jill, happily tells her husband while test-driving a new compact SUV, the one boasting in-car 4G LTE Wi-Fi. Their two daughters are in the backseat, each with a tablet, each wearing headphones, each silent as can be.
The scene changes to show a different family test-driving a car without Wi-Fi access. The kids are made to seem rowdy and unruly, and the parents are made to appear frazzled and overwhelmed. The two girls, however, are just talking about wanting ice cream, and then chanting to each other about their favorite flavors. “Choco-late-chip, choco-late chip,” sings one. “Straw-berr-y, straw-berr-y,” sings the other. “I’m jumping on the chocolate trampoline,” the first one sings. “Mu-sic, mu-sic,” the second one chimes in.
The scene changes back to the first family, the one who test-drove the wireless-equipped car. “It was so quiet,” one parent reports. “That was awesome,” the other parent raves. The kids beg to get back in the car and go for another ride.
I have a physiological reaction when viewing this commercial, disgusted at the ways we are told to use technology to “better” our lives. To reduce or even eliminate interaction. To substitute cyber-communication for actual talking. To submerge ourselves in an alternate reality. To silence our children. There’s a time and a place for screens in our modern tech-dependent age, of course, but I don’t believe family drives around town is one of them.
(Full disclosure, this is one of the lengthy commercials in rotation on the NBC app, the one I use to watch my shows, on my iPad, while exercising on my elliptical machine. Irony duly noted.)
So what is it with the need to shut-up and pacify our kids all.the.time? What about those missed opportunities for learning, connecting, raising the next generation? In the Quiet Car, the one with Wi-Fi access, you hear almost nothing. There is a brief interaction between husband and wife, mostly empty comments about the absence of the noise they are used to their children producing. But no conversation of substance, not about their work, about their family, about their feelings, not even about what’s for dinner. As for the children, you don’t even hear their voices. At least, not until they arrive at their destination but beg to go for another ride. In the Noisy Car, you hear a lot – singing, scolding, silliness. If you listen closely, you can hear one of the girls saying “I feel sad.” I hear creativity. I hear music. I hear sharing. I hear connection. I hear family.
I’m still in close touch with a family whose young kids I nannied for the summer after I graduated high school. They’re a wealthier family, whose kids later attended a private school across town. Years ago I made a comment about what a pain it must be to drive them to and from school everyday, so much time wasted in the car. Patti disagreed, shedding a new perspective on their daily commute. “Actually, driving to and from school is some of our best time together. It’s a great opportunity for the kids not only to decompress, but decompress with their mother or each other. The kids share about their day, look to me for advice, and can rely on the consistent routine of our daily commute time, regardless of sports, homework, or whatever else they might be have going on.”
Now imagine if those same kids had access to not only smartphone and tablet applications, but now Internet. Why on earth would they ever to choose to actually interact with their parents?!?
The American Academy of Pediatrics recently announced it is working to revise its recommendations for digital exposure – television, computers, tablets, smartphones, video games – for the first time in well over a decade. Old recommendations included no screen time for kids under 2 years old, and a maximum of two hours per day for those 2 years and older. These guidelines were created long before educators would tout the benefits of learning apps, games, and shows, which is typical of health policy – research often lags far behind advances in technology. In the AAP piece, title “Beyond ‘turn it off’: How to advise families on media use,” the various AAP chairs and councilmen assert the need for re-evaluation of guidelines in order to keep up with the times. They’ve done away with the concrete hours-per-day limit, and instead now provide “key messages” in advising parents in their children’s media use.
“Media is just another environment … media can have positive and negative effects.”
“The same parenting rules apply to your children’s real and virtual environments. Play with them. Set limits; kids need and expect them. Teach kindness …”
“Role modeling is critical. Limit your own media use, and model online etiquette …”
“We learn from each other. Neuroscience research shows that very young children learn best via two-way communication …”
“Content matters …”
“Curation helps ...”
“Co-engagement counts ...”
“Playtime is important …”
That’s chicken shit. Since when do guidelines provide only vague direction? Isn’t the AAP supposed to be our master resource for recommendations that form the basis of preventative pediatric health care?!?
This is a little bit like saying “Eat healthy.” “Veggies are good for you.” “So are fruits.” “Sugar is bad.” “Exercise is important.” Instead, the American Heart Association, for example, provides clear, concrete recommendations for infants and children to promote cardiovascular health. “Breastfeeding is ideal nutrition and sufficient to support optimal growth and development for about the first 4-6 months after birth. Try to maintain breastfeeding for 12 months. Transition to other sources of nutrients should begin at about 4-6 months of age to ensure sufficient micronutrients in the diet.” Or, “Keep total fat intake between 30 to 35 percent of calories for children 2 to 3 years of age and between 25 to 35 percent of calories for children and adolescents 4 to 18 years of age, with most fats coming from sources of polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fatty acids, such as fish, nuts, and vegetable oils.” Four to six months. Thirty to thirty-five percent. Four to 8 years of age. Concrete. Simple. Relevant. You get the point.
I do, in fact, recognize the many conveniences of living in a world with our modern technology. And it can be a major setback to be media-illiterate, whether at work or in school. Tablets, television, smartphones, and computers all have their role. To trick myself into exercising, for example, I bribe myself with my favorite primetime shows on my iPad (have you seen Quantico? I’m loving it; and that leading lady is a total badass). At work I rely entirely on my desktop computer to respond to emails, write chart notes, and read the latest research on concussions. On my iPhone, I group text with my BFFs, check-in with my husband, and make childcare and dinner arrangements with my dad. In the evenings, when lazing around on the couch with my husband recovering from a long day of work/family/life, I am so grateful for Netflix and the invention of “bingewatching.”
But for my 3 year old daughter? There are far fewer appropriate times/places for the screen. Her brain is still developing. Years of research support books, boardgames, and playing outside as good for our children. Sure, there are times for technology, but I’d argue they are fewer and further between than even the most well-intentioned parent practices. An interactive book on the iPad when waiting for the sedatives to kick in for her first dental filling. An app downloaded in anticipation for a cross-country flight to visit uncles. A popcorn-and-smoothie family movie night. Caillou on the TV so her parents can sneak in a quick hump upstairs on Sunday. Or occasionally to get through meal prep, an important phone call, or paying bills for a few uninterrupted minutes.
The AAP said in a recent publication, “In a world where ‘screen time’ is becoming simply ‘time,’ our policies must evolve or become obsolete.” I don’t disagree; the evidence-based recommendations should always try to keep up with the ever-evolving technology. But I would argue that in a world where today’s children are reported to spend an average of seven hours (7 hours!?!?) each day engaged with digital media, it is the AAP’s job to set limits, not just weakly incline parents to model good media use or watch TV together.
I’m okay living in a world where my smartphone is also my camera, my mini-computer, and my link to a cyber-social network, but I do not accept living in a world where parents silence their children with tablets and Wi-Fi access for a drive across town, and where “screen time” is “simply time.” You can do better, AAP, and so can we.
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