(February Fast) - The Eve of Our Month of Minimalism

Twas the night before fasting
and all through the house
this creature was stirring
like a maniacal mouse

I embodied the same anxious, busy, task-master energy that I also do when preparing to leave for a trip.

Wash the laundry. Fold and put away the laundry. Clean the bathrooms. Make the beds. Pack the suitcase. Pack the carry-on. Pack Francine's clothing. Re-pack the suitcase. Pack snacks. Make lists Re-pack the carry-on. Peruse the Internet. Respond to emails. Vacuum. Re-write my To-Do List. Upload all the photos from my iPhone. Alphabetize the spice rack. Re-pack the bags.

Many of the long-neglected things on my list, relegated to "not really that important," shot up and competed for tippy-top priority, consumed with fear of neglect with the threat of no Internet for the month. I organized and updated my Amazon shopping lists. I copied and pasted my J's Amazon Book List into a Word document, so that when I head to the library (rather than Powell's or Annie Bloom's, sadly) I can still access the 17-page list of books I've made note to check-out for myself or Francine. I reviewed my "favorited" Etsy items and filled my shopping cart with Valentine gifts for my loved ones (realizing only when the clock very nearly struck midnight that never before have I purchased anything to celebrate V-Day; that my frenetic shopping was simply a symptom of my consumer illness. Needless to say, I didn't end up completing those purchases, and my credit card/husband thanks me). I then realized that I would likely need to help Francine make (rather than buy at Target or Paper Source) Valentine's for her classmates; I quickly searched Pinterest for inspiration, and of course lots track of my goal and ended up saving or printing ideas images/instructions for a variety of "pinned" ideas that I might actually have the time/energy to complete this month. And yes, I even did some last minute shopping, including buying some "necessities" from my Amazon shopping lists, thinking ahead to any gifts/events/holidays to prepare for the month ahead. Then there was the social media farewell posting - something both Alex and I felt compelled to do, did, and then judged ourselves for being so self-important. We talked about how ridiculous it was that we were inclined to make a big to-do out of our leaving social media for the shortest month of the year. Like, "ahem, excuse me please, tap tap, is this thing on? Ahem, we won't be sniffing around here for the next 28 days, so you probably wouldn't have noticed, but now that we've drawn your attention to it, because it appears that we want to make sure you do notice, we beg of you to miss our cyber-presence; but also, we'll refer you to the myriad other ways we pimp ourselves out online like in this blog, for example; but also if you're our real friend, you can just call or text us." I mean, really, how egomaniacal can we all be?!?

But no, we didn't say it in exactly that way. And the truth is, the compulsion to tell both Facebook "friends" and Instagram "followers" about our break stems from a totally irrational fear of not being available than a need for any kind of attention or validation - like what if someone assumes we check our social media accounts regularly, was never informed about our departure, attempts to contact us, and then is insulted that we were rude or neglectful and did not respond?!? In fact, I could give only the tiniest of shits about so-called connection on social media, and I am mostly immune to the epidemic of FOMO, but I do nurture an unhealthy neuroses about being available - for example, I have very, very deliberately and at one point with great inconvenience retained the same phone number since I first got a cell phone in 2001. When we bought our house I sent change of address information to dozens of people that I probably hadn't connected with in a decade. I included "Hartman" in my gmail account and in my Facebook profile name, just in case someone who only knows me by my maiden name might want/need to contact me. As I type this, I recognize just how ridiculous I sound, as if I think I'm so important that some long lost somebody is just longing to reach out to me, and thank goodness I've provided them with some useful tools and strategies to find me!

I wouldn't say I'm "anxious" about taking a break from social media/Internet/TV, but I will say that there is a certain kind of energy that surrounds my desire to prepare for the month, so I'm not left desperately wishing I had printed that one t-shirt dress sewing tutorial rather than the other three I saved to a Word document.

To my IG "followers" I wrote the following, copied here just for posterity (like most things on this blog), and to remind my future self that I was ALWAYS this self important. Or maybe just precise and deliberate with my communication??

"Hi and bye! The Closemans are checking out of social media (and several other 'distractors' such as TV, shopping, intoxicants, maybe junk food, and the Internet) for the next month. We will still be readily available by email/phone. And if you think you'll miss our massive social media presence (read: cute pics of and quotes by Queen Francine), or you're just a voyeur curious about our "Month of Minimalism" or boring family BS, you can check out my blog (link in profile). "In the absence of said indulgences-turned-bad-habits, we should find ourselves with more time to carve out for the things we love, like writing/blogging, staring blankly into one another's eyes, and playing Peaceful Kingdom's cooperative board game, Lost Puppies, for the hundred zillionth time. So for the remaining 3.07 hours of January, I'm gonna go lay on the couch with a carton of Umpqua ice cream and binge-watch that OJ doc while scrolling IG and FB and Pinning crafts I'll never complete and shopping on Amazon and reading the news and getting all kinds of worked up about the current state of affairs. No but seriously. To all of that."