Absentee

I'm aware I haven't been blogging very much lately. Nor writing of any kind, really. Funny, since I think about writing far more often than I ever actually do it. Every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, after I've dropped the Bean at daycare or said by to her with my dad, I daydream about a silly little novel I've been concocting mentally; I think about character names, plot details, self-publishing logistics. But like I said, this shit all takes place in my head, and only my head.

Not that I haven't started many a blog posts in the last few months. It's official - this is now legitimately a "mommy blog." The majority of recent posts are comprised of the monthly Bean updates that I STILL do. I did have one post going last month about the Academy Award show (Oscar's), one of my most prized television events of the year. It was all about what a proud American I felt like going to bed that night, reveling in the words of these award-winning actors, who each used at least a few seconds of their amazing fortune to shed light on something other than Hollywood or themselves - gender inequality in the workplace, disproportionate rates of imprisoned African-American males, Mexican immigrants, Alzheimer's, ALS, etc. I woke up the next morning, barraged by all the criticism in the media, hating on Rosanna Arquette's feminist comments falling short, accusing that screenwriter of too closely associating being "weird" with being gay. So that's what that post was about. And I have another few list-type posts that have been lingering in my queue for quite some time - #youknowyoureinyour30swhen, #youknowyouworkattheVAwhen, #youknowyouvebeenmarried>5yearswhen ... I have a long-standing blog post about toddlers and tantrums; though I can barely call my child a toddler anymore. There's the intro of a post in there about multigenerational co-housing, following a day-long training Alex and I went to about ADUs (accessory dwelling units) in Portland. I started another post about what I have come to call "mindful mothering."

But truth is, I have been less than inspired the last several months. And also, my caseload at the VA is big enough that I don't have much time for extra-curricular projects on the federal dime. That, or I've evolved into the cliched government worker whose inefficiency expands to fill the given time. But seriously, I've been a bit of a bump on a log. I don't feel as though I'm working toward very much of anything these days. And not necessarily in a "whoa is me" kinda way. I have a few little craft projects started for myriad of upcoming Spring birthdays. Not that I've completed any one of them yet. I have a laundry list of things to do around the house. Which is a perpetual mess. I had been good about seeing several of the nominated Oscar pics, and have been pretty good about reading nightly, and trying to be better about exercising on a 5 day/week basis. And then there's therapy. Maybe that's what saps all my remaining energy. Not that I'm saying anyone particularly misses, or even notices, my absence on the blogosphere. My most loyal readers are the high school and college friends that I text with on a near daily basis. And my father (hi dad), who I see at least weekly anyway. But I'm aware, and not proud of, the fact that I've slacked about getting any words on any kind of a page. I'm not even sure I've written anyone an email, let alone a letter, lately, that wasn't mostly work-based. All that said, maybe it's time to turn off Masters of Sex on Showtime and do something that someone might sanction as productive??