Never Enough Time/Energy

Blogging, or writing of any kind, has taken a lower priority in the last several months. And in some ways I really miss it. For a hot minute I even tried to build the habit of writing something, anything, each day, by way of keeping a gratitude journal for the month of May. Turns out, I became interested in participating in a "mindfulness meditation" study at OHSU, and so free time has been even more limited for the last 6 weeks. And that's with me totally slacking on the 6-week program, with about a 50% homework completion rate.

I was explaining to friends the other week that I feel just about stretched to my max these days - not stressed, but streeeeeeeetched - I have just barely enough time and energy to fulfill minimum work, wife, mom, domestic, friend, daughter, health, and recreational commitments. I'm able to do a little bit of something in each of those categories, but never as much as I would like to. I exercise enough to keep my heart mostly healthy, but not to get that bangin' MILF bod I'd always hoped to have. My house is always a mess, but I manage to do the laundry before anyone is out of underwear, or clean the toilet when we know we're having guests. I fulfill my professional duties, but am always rushing to not be late, make sure my chart notes are somewhat timely, and I'm chronically behind on my emails. We indulge in evening TV, but haven't binge-watched any programs for many many moons. I finished reading an easy chick-lit book last week, but have a stack of research articles I keep meaning to read before bed instead. I see my dad weekly, but usually in the context of him doing us a favor, like watching my kid. I start a lot of blog posts, but never get around to finishing them. And so it goes.

Things I've wanted to write about, and will maybe-someday-probably-not get to:

- The Bean had two cavities filled several weeks ago. Everything went totally fine, but when the pediatric dentist initially told me they might have to put her under general anesthesia to fill cavities in two of her baby teeth - and all this because we failed to give her the recommended fluoride and brush/floss frequently enough - well that didn't feel totally "fine."

- Mother's Day. This year I was thinking about all the people who may not feel so happy and grateful and touchy-feely about the holiday. I myself had a great "family on demand" day with The Hubs and Bean. But still, it brought about pondering as a motherless mother.

- Genetic counseling. Cool job, right? But also, I met with one a few weeks ago, after inquiring with my PCP about my breast cancer risk. I had to complete a family tree of cancer, and was basically told that my risk of carrying the BRCA gene is low, but that I should be getting annual mammograms. I have my first one this weekend.

- Acupuncture and fertility. We still aren't pregnant. We aren't throwing ourselves into the "infertile" category, although we have officially been trying for over a year (with a month or two off here and there, thanks to "I can only handle one kid"-type freakouts on my end). We are now engaged with the Kaiser fertility peeps, but aren't doing anything more dramatic that trying a new ovulation predictor on morning pee instead of night pee. Pretty benign.

- Recent increased interest in mindfulness meditation, both clinically as a speech-language pathologist working with patients experiencing subjective cognitive difficulties following concussion, but also for myself. My friend, Dee, first turned me onto this book about mindfulness and self-compassion, and I'm hoping to attend a training by the author this Fall in Portland.

- The Dad Bod. This provided Alex and myself with some seriously good chatter. I mean, he basically invented the Dad Bod. He's been rocking the Dad Bod since he was 18 and his soccer buddies were still hairless and six-packed.

- I follow a lot of funny Instagram accounts, to the tune of "Assholes Parents," "Average Parent Problems," etc. We thought it would be funny to start a "Grandparents are assholes" account, where we capture the sometimes hilarity that is my dad watching Francie. Thai iced tea, for one; "she just leap-frogged the whole way home from Garden Home!" (a solid mile walk from our house).

- Our upcoming multigenerational trip to Ireland. So yeah, this Friday we go for a "long long plane ride to go far far away and we even sleep on the plane!"

- Alex's recent difficult decision with job opportunities. End game, he's happily staying at West Linn High School. And no longer coaching soccer. And starts Summer Break after tomorrow.

- Potential living situations up for discussion - an ADU on our property, moving to my dad's in West Linn, a whole new place ... We're totally in to this multigenerational thing lately (at least, cognitively we're into it).

- My first BurnCycle class last month. It was like stationary biking at a dance club while getting therapy. I wasn't even aware that combo could exist. And I liked it.

Point being, I'd like to blog more, for the simple fact I'd be writing, but also for the sake of archiving this menial life of mine. I'm rarely out of ideas, but always short on time, and mostly, energy. If I ever get really driven (you know, when I discover that miracle drug that gives me boundless motivation and creativity and eliminates my need for sleep without any negative side effects), I'd actually like to write, for like, a purpose other than claiming my own little egomaniacal nook of the Interweb. Take a creative writing course. Write articles within my field of expertise. Try my hand at a novel. But for now I think I'll chalk these things up to those that I intend to do some other day ...