Time On My Hands

I do my best and most neurotic thinking when I have free time. A road trip. Long runs. Waiting for Alex to go to the bathroom. So as life would have it, I am at the precipice of FIVE MONTHS of free time - that's a whole LOT of time to devote to my neuroses. And as my brother would say, I'm having a "moment" about the never-ending summer. I won't even have to choose between obsessing over money, or food, or organizing my paperwork, or buying a new camera, or whether or not I make a good wife, or where we should live when we grow up, or when we should start our family, or if I should look for a different job, or how to make hummus, or if it's pathetic how much I love Army Wives, or whether or not to go to yoga, or changing my voicemail message (it still says my name is Joanna Hartman, really, it's been TWO years), or if I should put the plant on the porch ... yes, these are the inane things that cycle through my head. On repeat. Think: hamster wheel. But only when the world around me is more or less still. And guess what?! I'll have FIVE WHOLE MONTHS to answer each of these details.

I know, I know, who gets anxiety about having free time?!? In my defense, it's not that I don't LOVE the time off, because I truly do. It's more of a concern whether I will use the time wisely. I feel like this is "it." Like this is the last summer of my life, with the freedom to do what I want when I want. And I don't want this free time to pass foolishly. I want to be mindful and do all the things I want to do. Especially if 2012 is really the end of the world as we know it. Those Mayans were smart cookies. Yes, I admit, I do want to check things off a list. It just feels so good to scratch things off as "done." There are two types of people in this world: Those That Make Lists, and Those That Do Not Make Lists. I belong with the former, and am one of those people who actually keeps a Bucket List. Not so much because I will be ready to die once the things are completed. It's a dynamic list, after all. But I keep the list because I don't want to forget the things I want to do. It's more to supplement my memory than my sense of adventure.

We have been throwing around all sorts of ideas for this summer. Thru-hiking the Tahoe Rim Trail. Taking a bike tour around Banff. Trekking across Ireland. Doing the Spain/France camino. Traveling to Honduras. Being Courageous Kids camp counselors. Hitting up a few weddings. Going to the beach. Going camping. Reading. Writing. Knitting. Basking in Portland's long summer days. Getting a dog (okay, "we" haven't been throwing that idea around; just "me").

So far it's been two whole days since my summer officially began. I'm not losing my mind or anything quite yet. But I've tried my darndest to build in daily structure, such as scheduling lunch dates with friends, or planning specific errands to run. My bets are on the 10-day marker; I bet I can make it a week and a half before going stir crazy. Then it's on like Donkey Kong. I'll be fiending for travel and Expedia.com will be my dealer.