Stuff Jo Knows ...: Starting My 35th Trip Around the Sun

Me and the Bean "cheers"ing some ice cream at Goody's in downtown Bend on our way out of town last night. She insisted we have some kind of sweet treat. I told her we had cake on her birthday because she's just so special. "But you're special, too!" She protested.

34. Like whoa. And apparently birthdays in my 30s give me a touch of the depression and lend themselves to an easy cry. Granted I haven't exactly loved birthdays, not since my 9th birthday in 3rd grade when my cooler, older neighbor friend, "Stacey Treeman," relocated my birthday party to her cooler, richer house with horses. And, my gertie ball popped. At least I got Mouse Trap? And, to no surprise, my oldest-friend, Dee, stayed with me at my house while I pouted about being deserted.

This year, at 34 rather than 9, I did still have some version of a sleepover - at the Franzkes in Bend. I got to sleep in, play homie from work with my family on a Monday, wake up in Central Oregon to my previous daughter singing "Happy Birthday," homemade pancakes and bacon with the Franzkes, a yummy iced mocha, and an overstimulating job fair.

In reflecting on the past year, no one thing stands out to me. I suppose it's been a year of self-exploration and self-reflection, maybe in preparation for the next year's changes. My 34th trip around the sun was marked with highs and lows, of course, but nothing overly dramatic in either direction. And really, no major changes. Same house, same job, same family, same city, same friends, same hobbies. All of which I am very grateful for and enjoy ~99.9% of the time! One might even call it a "grown-up year."

In looking ahead to the upcoming year, it might very well be marked by transition. Work changes, for sure; I don't really know what is next for me professionally. Family changes; I'm very much looking forward to becoming an auntie! Adventure; my long trip/walk in Spain with my dad, a possible summer off with my family, with plans for Michigan, local hiking and biking and camping, and Erika's wedding.

While I continue to worry about the depressing fact that nothing about my superficial looks will ever get better with age - Alex has a very optimistic view on aging and appearance, particularly for men. He likes that as he gets older, the number of attractive women he can appreciate expands, because he still finds youth attractive and alluring, but he also appreciates women his own age. So at 20 he had only 10% of the female population to lust after. At 35, he gets about 25% of the female population to ogle, and to think that when he's 60, he'll still like women in their 20s and 30s, but then also 40s and 50s and 60s!

And because the Bean can't be the only one who gets all the fun ...

Yearly Birthday Interview - Jo @ 34 years

What is your favorite color? green

What is your favorite toy? my iPhone

What is your favorite fruit? blueberries or apples

What is your favorite tv show? Californication, always. But I've also thoroughly enjoyed Parenthood, Girls, The Affair, and right now we are making our way through Showtime's Shameless.

Favorite movie: I really liked Spotlight, which was nominated for several Oscars this year. And I LOVED Room. My favorite all time movie is probably What About Bob.

What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? just like the Bean, mac n cheese

What is your favorite outfit? My lululemon black stretchy pants and Athleta cream sweatshirt with thumbholes

What is your favorite game? I did learn to play Settlers of Catan this year

Favorite sport? hiking??

What is your favorite snack? bars

What is your favorite animal? wolves

What is your favorite song? at this very moment, Teenage Dream by Adrian Lux and Catch & Release by Matt Simons; I have been listening a lot to the "Beautiful Girls" Pandora station, as well as one for Hozier, Breezeblocks, and Atmosphere

What is your favorite book? I just finished "When Breath Becomes Air," and I think it will make my Top 10 Favorite Books Ever list, alongside "Into the Wild," "The Bell Jar," "Wild," "Waiting for Birdy," "Bad Mother," and "To Kill a Mockingbird."

Who is your best friend? Stacy Muffly Shine! And Rachel, Katie, and Erika.

What is your favorite cereal? I guess Kix, but I eat/drink Isagenix smoothies nearly everyday for breakfast.

Best part of school? that Francie's doesn't cost an arm and a leg; as for work, I love my coworker, Rachael, but also really enjoy working with certain, motivated patients on study skills training

What is your favorite thing to do outside? walk, hike, go to the park for summer evening picnics with the fam, camp, play at the beach in Tahoe Vista

Favorite place to go? Tahoe, Maplewood Coffee Shop, Target, Athleta, Mary S Young, Block Island, Telluride, Forest Park, The Gorge, Central Oregon

What is your favorite drink? today, 1/2 diet coke and 1/2 root beer; but also, Arnold Palmers, iced lattes, gas station coffee, Moscow Mules, Oregon Chair

What is your favorite holiday? Christmas, hands down; followed by the Bean's birthday

Favorite thing to do with mama? na

With daddy? na

As a family? play outside in the sunshine, especially in our neighborhood, with good friends, or at a new park; or camping

What do you like to take to bed with you at night? whatever book I'm reading, one of my water cups, my iPhone

What do you like to eat for breakfast? chocolate Isagenix smoothies, with almond milk and frozen blueberries

What do you want for dinner on your birthday? don't care, maybe Umpqua chocolate peanut butter ice cream

What do you want to be when you grow up? an SLP, but paid for my knowledge, thoughts, opinions, writing, speaking and teaching; or an actual writer

Where do you want to visit someday? the Camino, and Iceland, and also Canada via rail

When or where or who might you marry someday? I'd choose Alex all over again

What is one thing you want to learn some day? to play the piano, patience, enlightenment

What do you wish for? peace - on earth and inside of me

What makes you happy? sunshine; small doses of freedom; intellectually stimulating reading, writing and people; finishing a project; cuddling with my family; walks; texting regularly with my HS or college ladies; being out and about; having epiphanies; helping people I truly connect with and feeling like I helped them; anything related to psychology, brains and behavior; people-watching; the wind blowing my hair; when it's warm out but I'm in the shade

What makes you feel afraid? delivering another baby; earthquakes and tsunamis

What makes you laugh? my husband and daughter, on the daily; my BFFs, for sure; those silly memes I follow on IG like @beigecardigan; shit my dad says, when re-telling it to Alex; a few of the characters on Shameless; Lena Dunham

What do you do that is kind? one of the reasons I chose my work is because it is a helping profession, and ultimately it does the world better, which is a version of kindness; give homeless people whatever snacks I have stashed in my purse; buy my husband beer he might like; try to think of my daughter's feelings before my own

What is something you do very well? sleeping; weekly meal planning and stocking the house with goods; relaxing when I'm tired; giving gifts and sending cards and writing thank-you cards (except for F's 4th birthday this year); getting enough exercise to keep my heart healthy; having new ideas; hugging and kissing my girl

What is something you’re not very good at? waking up in the morning!; self-control, as in picking my face, limiting my sugar intake, cutting back my spending; answering my phone, listening to voicemails or returning calls, both personally and even at work; keeping the same job for a long time; being present during sex;

I am very proud of … learning to be a better wife and mother by looking closely at what I bring to our relationships, and making sincere efforts to mostly change the negative behaviors or communication to strengthen our family ties

If I were president I would … be the first female president!; not try to be a world superpower; forbid adolescents and young adults to have babies or do drugs or vote until their brains are mostly developed at 24 years old; cap maximum income for rich people around $300K/year; hire all those good marketing, PR, and sales people for things like Apple and Nike to manage public service campaigns to increase our society's value placed on things like mindfulness, kindness, giving back, compassion, environmentalism, physical and mental health; put way more money into education; change the higher education system with regard to debt; make female reproductive rights a non-issue; ensure EVERYONE has access to education, food, shelter, hygiene, healthcare and basic safety; focus more on the issues within our own borders and less on those abroad

SNAPSHOT @ THIRTY-FOUR YEARS OLD

Appearance/Physical:
5' 4 and 3/4" on our home growth chart
~ 132 lbs on our home scale in the morning
I comfortably wear a size medium top and size 6/8 or medium pants, and size 8 shoes. I like to wear mostly dresses and boots for work, and some version of Athleta, Nike, or lululemon stretchy or sweatpants at home, with some kind of "cute" sweatshirt or long sleeve shirt. My hair is (dyed) blonde, and is long and past my shoulders, but not long enough to satisfy Francie's desire for me to have Elsa-like hair that goes in a braid all the way past my boob. I like to wear my hair down, pulled back in a low pony, or high up in a knot with a big biting clip. My skin is aging and marked by both dryness and residuals of obsessive face-picking; thank god for Bare Minerals makeup. Gravity is slowly taking its tolls; just yesterday I told Alex that my knees seemed lower to the ground this year than last. My eyes are grey and small and squinty; I wear contacts most days, promptly changing into glasses (along with my sweatpants) at home. I wear the same Bare Minerals makeup that I've been sporting for the last 7 years, and take about 20 minutes to get ready in the morning (I'm a night showerer). I've been mostly very healthy, without any major illnesses or injuries (knock on wood). I do take daily meds, including 100 mgs of Zoloft since 2010, Adderall 3x daily on work days, the occasional Ativan for travel, and the occasional Vicodin for menstrual cramps. I don't drink or use marijuana, and fortunately can't afford any other substance abuse habits. No cavities filled this year, but I always anticipate I will have some, and am grateful they invented that nice white filling. I exercise fairly regularly, anywhere from 2-6 times per week, averaging about 4x. In the winter I primarily rely on 30+ minutes on the elliptical in our room while watching Nashville or Quantico or some other ABC/NBC show in the evening. Now that the days are longer, I've been "wogging" outside much more regularly, and enjoy taking myself to Forest Park on Mondays after work. I rarely lift or do yoga these days, and know that I really should. I've never felt as good as I do when I'm practicing yoga regularly. I take a daily prenatal multivitamin, the gummy kind, and sneak spinach into my breakfast smoothies to make myself feel healthy. I think about meditating almost daily, and have gone through spurts of committed mindfulness meditation practice throughout the year, but nothing current.

Typical Week/Day:
I work part-time (0.5 FTE) at the Portland VA Mondays-Wednesdays, usually in Vancouver on Monday, between both campuses on Tuesday, and in Portland on a shorter Wednesday. I typically have Thursday mornings at home to myself, with the Bean at half-day daycare, which was intended to carve out time for me to write weekly. It's been more of a triage day, as in, whatever tasks are most pressing (birthday gifts, finance updates, paying bills, catching up with emails, planning trips, home management-type things). On Fridays since January I see my therapist in North Portland. Previously I was seeing a therapist through Kaiser, usually on workdays. Thursday afternoons and most Fridays are Mama Days; we like to be lazy in the morning, and out and about the rest of the day, with a break for Quiet Time for us both in the afternoon. We run errands, get together with friends, go on our own adventures to the park, hiking, Children's Museum, zoo, shopping, etc. On weeknights Alex and I often watch an episode of TV after Francie goes to bed; but with the longer days and me exercising in the evenings, the Bean often doesn't go down until after 8, and Alex and I don't feel like we have time for TV, prepping for the next day, showering, and reading before bed. A few nights per week we watch an episode of Shameless on Showtime. I am typically in bed between 9:30 and 10:30, and asleep between 10 and always before 11. I set my alarm every morning for 6 a.m., but don't usually crawl out of bed until 6:45 or so, trying to leave the house for work by 7:30. I'm a serious snoozer, and waking up is probably the single most difficult part of my day (thanks, maybe, to Zoloft). Alex and I share the cooking and kitchen cleanup load during the week, and I typically meal plan and grocery shop each Sunday. I do most of the (light) housekeeping and manage all things Francine, and Alex is in charge of the outdoor and car chores. Neither of us is the best homemaker, so chores don't necessarily happen with any regularity, but rather in a compulsive-like fashion when we are preparing for company or I'm a crabby biatch. Our weekends vary dramatically, but we tend to have some kind of plans most weekends, whether it's for one or all of us to be out of town, for house-related projects, birthday parties, hosting company ourselves, whiskey club, holidays, or catching up on chores and errands. We definitely enjoy or family time, and are pretty greedy to protect it on Saturday and Sunday.

Sleep, Food/Drink, Potty:
I usually go up to get ready for bed around 930 or 10, and am asleep by 11. I wake up on workdays around 6:30, and try to stretch out my lazy mornings on Thursday-Sunday and not crawl out of bed until after 7. I take a loooooooong time to feel awake in the mornings. Like our Bean, I am not a picky eater. Every morning I drink a chocolate flavored Isagenix smoothie made with almond milk and frozen blueberries. Recently I have started drinking gas station coffee, which I'm pretty sure has added 5 lbs to my frame since Christmas. I pack my lunch at home each morning, usually leftovers from dinner the night before. I rarely take a lunch break at work but just nibble throughout the day. We eat dinner as a family most evenings, sometime between 5:30 and 6:30 or so. With Alex in the weight room every day after school, we've worked it so I'm on dinner duty on Tuesdays-Friday, and he takes care of the weekend and Monday. I do all of the planning and shopping. We don't eat a set dessert, but I often graze on chocolate chips or Jujubes or sometimes ice cream once F is in bed. I've lately been eating an absurd amount of candy, throughout the day and into the evening. It's gross. I am very well potty-trained, but still like to pee in the shower. No one wipes my ass for me. We actually have those flushable wipes, which someone bought by accident in place of baby wipes, and we keep a pack in each bathroom. Alex loves them, but I can't stand the idea of such a ridiculous luxury, so I'll stick with the good ole Costco house brand of TP.

Social/Emotional/Personality:

I have learned that, technically speaking, I am an introvert, in that I am totally exhausted after a day spent with other people. I'm perfectly comfortable and confident in social settings, and feel very close to my HS/college girlfriends, but very easily satiated by interactions with my fabulous colleagues and awesome neighbors. I like to be among people, but not necessarily socializing constantly. We also have a small but great network of friends via Alex, men who happened to marry women that I adore. And we are lucky to actually enjoy our families, although time spent with our brothers is far less than we would prefer. Emotionally, I'm retarded. Like the actual definition of the word. But this I'm learning more about and working on. It's simultaneously interesting and fulfilling, and really kind of awful. But I am lucky to have my coworker/friend, Rachael, to debrief all things therapy with. We are a bit like two peas in a pod in this aspect. I'm definitely not anxious or consistently neurotic like I once was, and considerably less moody. But I really, really suck at intimacy and being mindful and feeling whole. Some might describe me as having a "strong personality," which I think is just code for calling females bitchy. I can be hyper-critical, but really only of myself and my innermost circle (e.g. Alex). For those more separate from me, I tend very open-minded and non-judgmental and compassionate. That's not to say I'm without strong opinions. About parenting, value systems, behavior, how the world works, on movies and books and music. I ask a TON of questions and thrive when I have a million thoughts and ideas running through my head, really enjoy intellectually stimulating anything, have a short attention span for things that don't interest me, love to be moving in a leisurely but purposeful way (e.g. Walking, running errands), am a pretty devoted and loving mother, a loyal friend, a difficult but rewarding (?) wife, have some caregiving-type inclinations with my dad and brother, have a 'sharp tongue', prefer instant gratification, need a very fine balance of routine and novelty, am highly organized and goal-directed (but no longer very efficient), oriented to the big picture rather than perfectionistis about smaller details, have a low tolerance for stress (aka highly neurotic), and am learning that creativity really feeds my soul.

Cognitive/Communication:
Just like the Bean, I am very verbal, both in speech and in writing. I've still got all my cognitive capacities and communicate easily. What I don't have is the energy/motivation to do all the things I want to or "should." But I think that's just a key element of adulting.

Likes:
Buying coffee. Being out and about and socially or intellectually stimulated. Nature. Green, especially in nature. Jujubes. Chocolate chips. Umpqua chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Kissing the Bean's soft sweet cheeks. Listening to music. Podcasts. Reading. Writing. Thinking about and making and shopping for and giving gifts for birthdays and Christmas. Family time. Smaller crafts and hand-stitching. HBO and Showtime TV programs. Instagram. Brain injury, compensatory cognitive strategies, and study skills. Earning money. The sunshine, but enjoying it from the shade. Walking/hiking. My new therapist. Travel to see my friends and family. Drinking water from a straw. Making lists and plans. Helping severely impaired or motivated veteran patients. My husband's jokes. The freedom I feel when driving in the car on a country road or walking/running at dusk. Maplewood and April Hill Park. Powell's Books and Joann Fabrics. Texting with my BFFs. Hanging out with my cousin and her hubs. When people thing F is funny/sweet/precocious. When I am present and patient and enjoy the small moments. Forest Park.

Dislikes:
Waking up in the morning. Having to be at work at certain times and for certain hours. Bad skin after picking. Earthquakes and tsunamis. Talking about Alex's truck. Tantrums. Traffic! Ferry boats. Not getting enough sleep.

And for a few photos - this is how we celebrated my birthday, in Bend with the Franzkes (this year was their 5th wedding anniversary!), a personal day from work, and an afternoon Bend - La Pine school district job fair, capped off with family ice cream cones from Goody's before making the drive home to Portland.