My Advice, at Two Months

I have a few pregnant close friends, and wrote this ridiculously long checklist and explanation of the things I couldn't have lived without, and those I could have done without - along with some additional random advice based on my experiences thus far - and gave it to them as though it were a gift, rather than a tedious summary of the mundane consumables of my first two months of parenting. However, I collected the same kinds of information from wise friends before Francie burst into this world, and was grateful for the advice and recommendations.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about motherhood so far, it’s that everyone’s experiences are so different. Maybe that’s just because people are so different –mamas and their babies. In my (limited) experience with pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood, this is the (unsolicited) advice I have to offer.

My Motherhood Manifesto – 2 Months

What I Have That I Couldn’t Live Without (Or Could, But Just Love):

-       Birth doula: We decided last minute to hire a doula to be with us during the birth. I can’t recommend this enough. As much as the doctors/midwives/nurses are on your side, they do have an agenda of their own and don’t actually know you and your wishes for your birth. And plus, they’re all about the health and safety of mama and baby, while a doula can fill in the blanks regarding emotional well-being and education/information about decision-making.

-       Placenta pills: There is no way to tell whether these actually “worked,” as there is no comparison data. But, I had no post-partum Baby Blues whatsoever. I had plenty of energy while taking the pills. And I had no trouble with my milk supply or breastfeeding in general. That’s enough “evidence” to convince me to pay someone $200 to dry and encapsulate my placenta.

-       Boppy or My Breast Friend: I still can barely breastfeed without one of these pillows. The Boppy is more popular and a bit cozier, but I actually think the Breast Friend is more stable for feeding.

-       Beco Gemini baby carrier: It’s versatile, for babies 8-35 pounds. It has both shoulder and hip support. You can use it to breastfeed. There is no extra infant attachment you have to purchase. And it’s cute.

-       Cloth diapers: We couldn’t use these for the first 6 weeks because Francie was too small. But I would not have been opposed to starting with them right away. I find myself doing laundry every other day anyway, so what’s the big deal about adding in diapers?!? In one month of disposable diapers we spent nearly $100. We use both BumGenius One-Size-Fits-All pocket diapers and GrowVia one-size snap-in diapers. So far we like both and don’t have a favorite. They are about $20 apiece. People recommend you have at least 24. We have not yet bought that many, as we’re still trying to streamline our diapering system. Also, we did not purchase a wet bag for home, and use the regular laundry hamper instead. But yes, this does smell a bit.

-       Lanolin nipple cream: This was essential for me the first 10 days of breastfeeding. But the hospital gives out samples, so you don’t even need to buy any. Also, I found that this stained my clothes, just FYI.

-       Spray bottle: The hospital should provide one for you to use when you pee, because you can’t wipe. Use warm water, it feels more soothing.

-       A meeting with the lactation consultant: The hospital should provide this service, but if they don’t, just ask. We also did a follow-up with an LC, and that was great for reinforcing what we had learned, and for answering any additional questions/concerns about feeding schedules, behaviors, breasts, poops, etc.

-       The book, Breastfeeding Made Simple: Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers: Such a helpful resource. I wish I would have bought this book and read up ahead of time. I mostly used it to flip through and remedy any concerns. As in, it’s totally normal for a baby to appear “unsatisfied” after a feeding in the evenings/nights and want to stay latched to the boob for what seems like hours. There is likely nothing wrong with your milk supply. Or with your baby’s latch. This, my friends, is cluster feeding.

-       The book, Happiest Baby on the Block: We are pretty big believers in the whole “4^th trimester” theory. We continue to swaddle Francie every evening when she’s fussy and when she sleeps. We also use the aggressive “shh” sound, and ‘vigorous’ shaking. There is also a DVD, which I have never seen, to teach the “5 S’s”: swaddle, shush, side lying, shaking, sucking.

-       The book, The Birth Partner: Your husbands should read this before the birth.

-       Aden & Anais swaddle blankets: These are made of bamboo or something and are a perfect size and texture. We have a million different blankets of all sorts and these are by far the best – the only ones we really need. Target, Babies R Us, and all boutique stores carry these.

-       Summer brand Swaddlepods: The kind that zip and/or the kind that Velcro the arms across. We bought these at Babies R Us and use them. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

-       A yoga/exercise ball: This is great for calming baby. One thing I learned was to wear the carrier, sit on the ball and bounce, and have use of both free hands. Perfect for needing to use the computer.

-       Soothie brand pacifiers: Specifically, the WubbaNub pacifier. We started out not wanting to use pacifiers, just because they are annoying and you have to constantly re-place or hold them in an infants mouth. But, we could only tolerate sticking our pinkies in Francie’s mouth for about three days. And when you have a baby who is soothed by sucking, these do the trick. Also, I heard from a neo-natal nurse that these are actually the best brand to use.

-       A water bottle you love drinking out of: Breastfeeding makes you insanely thirsty.

-       Advil: Buy stock in it. It’s effective to help with post-partum pain of the undercarriage, and to help alleviate some pain/discomfort when learning to breastfeed.

-       Costco pack of baby wipes: We go through a million. We are considering using cloth wipes for all the pees, because we do so much laundry anyway. But infant poo is gross enough that I use a lot of wipes to clean up those blowouts. Then again, we’ve decided to take cloth diapers one step further and also use cloth wipes, but this is a new venture.

-       Newborn aspirator: We got ours from the hospital. Francie was super stuffed up the first several weeks, and it helped to get out the boogies (my fingers are too fat to actually pick her nose). Also, for the more viscous mucous, you’ll need saline, too.

What I Wish I Had:

-       Co-sleeper: The first few weeks she slept in bed with us. But once we got past the light-sleeping stage, it scared me a bit to have her in my bed, like I might put the blankets over her or roll over and startle or hurt her. We have a dozen sleeping contraptions, including a crib, a bassinet, and some Fisher Price plastic rocker thing. I like this rocker best because she can sleep next to my side of the bed and I can look down at her as needed. It’s hard to see her in the bassinet, and we are nowhere near ready to have her in a crib in the other room. I think an actual co-sleeper would be most convenient and comfortable.

-       Consider a diaper service: I wouldn’t be surprised if it really is more economical (they do the laundry which saves your water bill) and maybe even better for the environment (the loads of laundry are full and complete).

-       A softer bathtub: We have a plastic one, and when Francie cries and flails in the water (throwing me into a panic that she’ll drown in the ½ inch of water), she can hit her head on the hard plastic. We have since made it work by using a beach towel to pad the inside, but I think there are mesh tubs that look much more comfortable and easy to use.

-       A wet bag: Both travel and for home, for the dirty cloth diapers. You can make or buy these.

What I Could Make Do Without:

-       The Moby wrap: We used it the first 10 or so days, but it can be a bit laborious to put on, and the Beco turned out to be much more comfortable. I never really did find a wrap or sling that either Francie or I like better than the Beco.

-       A swing: I use this about 7 minutes a week, when Francie is already happy, so I can put away laundry or take a quick shower. She doesn’t seem to care about the movement and music too much so far. But I hear other mothers swear by these devices. But I could NOT have done without some sort of a chair. We used a hand-me-down called “Fisher Price Calming Vibrations.” We don’t use the vibrations, but it’s our mobile go-to spot to put Francie down when we want to eat or need to bustle around the house.

-       The advice “sleep when the baby sleeps:” Hah! Everyone told us this, and we mostly ignored it. For starters, there is nothing sweeter than having your newborn sleep on your chest. And you can’t (and maybe shouldn’t) do anything else but stare at your baby in total awe of the creature you just made. Also, when it comes down to it, when baby is sleeping is the only time you can get anything else done.

-       The crib – so far: I can’t imagine us using this for quite some time.

-       A monitor – so far: We are with her, so a monitor is unnecessary. If she’s sleeping, I just put her down somewhere near me, whether it’s the couch or a rocker or something. If she’s asleep and I need to change the laundry or get the mail, I just do so. As she gets older and officially “goes down for a nap,” the monitor will likely come in handy. But for now, I just hang with her and know when she needs something.

-       Pack n Play – so far: We registered and received one, but it’s still in the box. I imagine we will use this once Francie is crawling and needs to be contained at times.

-       Bumbo chair – so far: We got this on loan from a friend and won’t be able to use it until Francie can sit up, or at least hold her head steady.

-       Baby thermometers:  You don’t need a special one because you can just use a regular one. And our pediatrician said to take armpit temps. But look up what the temps are supposed to be, because it’s different if you do oral, armpit, or rectal.

-       Sleep bras: I don’t get it. But you will leak breast milk all over your sheets, so maybe that’s why? Anyway, I just sleep in a regular tank top. I think nighttime nursing tops are unnecessary too. Just pull your shirt up.

-       Stroller: So no, I couldn’t have literally done without a stroller, but so far I’m finding it a lot less of a big deal than I originally thought. I do use it, every other day or so. But it’s huge and somewhat cumbersome. Which sometimes is nice because it is enough of a deterrent to encourage me to use the Beco carrier instead, which I believe is better for baby.

Other Recommendations:

-       Watch the birth episode of “Up All Night.” It’s funny and rings pretty true.

-       Learn that you are not in charge of your time. Your baby is boss. And sometimes that means only getting one thing “done” each day. To Do Lists are a way of the past.

-       Practice yoga/meditation daily during pregnancy. This will help during labor and delivery. And will help build mindfulness early, which I think has a positive effect on being in the moment once your baby is born.

-       Heed the advice “time flies.” Everyone told us that, and WOW does time fly by once that beautiful baby is born. All the more reason to practice being in the moment. She will only nap on your chest for so long.

-       Use absorbent washcloths or rags for cleaning baby’s face or wiping up spit-up. Burp rags aren’t all that useful, aside from throwing over your shoulder.

-       Wear a scarf for your first post-partum photos. Everyone will think you look great. We learned this by sheer accident.

-       Dry and encapsulate your placenta!

-       In the morning, at night, after work - kiss and hug your husband before your baby. And tell him to do the same.

-       Get out of the house at least once per day.

-       Don’t buy baby clothes. Everyone else will. You’ll be surprised how much others will buy you or hand down.

-       Register for a shower. If doing it over, I would have just registered at Target and not Babys R Us. That place is just awful. And Target should have most everything you might need.

-       Ask for help. I was fortunate to not experience even an inkling of Baby Blues (placenta pills?!?) But it’s very common for most women. And I hear that the more you try to do it all yourself, the more bluesy you’ll feel. People want to help. They are looking for ways to help. Instead, they just buy you baby clothes.

-       Also, lean on others for advice. I was surprised by how much wisdom my new-mama peers were able to provide on a variety of topics, if I just asked. And to them, I am so thankful. (Shout-out to Rachel, Dee, Liz, Breezy, Jess, Laurie, Stacie).

-       I suspected parenthood would be fun, but I could have never imagined just how much I would really love it!

-       The bottom line, in my humble opinion, is to throw your expectations out the window (or teach yourself to expect the unexpected), chill out, know in your heart of hearts you don’t really have “control” of this little being, and enjoy the ride – likely the greatest adventure of our lives.